100 Things I Want To Teach My Daughter # 60~ Your father was the first man to ever love you, no man will love you as much as he does~
As parents we truly didn’t think it was possible to love another child as much as we loved Braden, oh how we were wrong.
It amazes me how parents love their children, the love is beyond anything you are capable of understanding until you too become a mother. For a parent, there is nothing they wouldn’t do to protect, nurture, care for, feed and love their own offspring.
Murder~ absolutely, both your father and I could murder someone if we knew it was what needed to happen Inorder to save your life. I believe most parents would agree. However as we’ve gotten older, realistically it wouldn’t be in the best interest of you to murder someone. Then we’d be locked away and unavailable to you. So those of you reading and thinking that’s immature to think you’d murder someone, i’m well aware of the consequences of that. On a another note, i do have documented PTSD..so any future boyfriends take note its something I could use in the court of law as a defence 😉
Dying~ again, we would both die if it meant saving you or your brothers life. No questions asked.
So, this just took a very dark unexpected turn, luckily for us and most parents we are not going to have to face this dilemma in our life time. Thankfully, we live descent lives with good family and friends. BUT….one does raise the question about murder and dying while watching a really good episode of criminal minds. “Would we murder someone if they had our child?” It does happen, if only on Criminal Minds….it is something we all think about.
Hopefully that brings a small bit of understanding around the concept of parental love.
When I found out we were having a little girl, we both cried. We couldn’t believe we were going to have the “Million dollar family”. A boy and a girl, so perfect. Blessed~
I was so excited to be a mom of a little girl, I had only boys up until then in my life. My younger brother who I helped care for during the much younger years and then your brother. A daughter was so exciting. It was going to be even scarier for your dad. He was the youngest of 6, and the only real baby experience he had was with Braden. He didn’t have any expertise on girls. He was so willing to learn though, some dads have a fear when they find out its a girl. They worry about diaper changes, cleaning them properly, worry about girl fights, bullying, boyfriends, periods, heartbreaks, sport injuries and bad moods.
YOUR dad….he was outstanding. He did worry slightly about dirty diapers and making sure you were properly cleaned. Let’s be honest, its a lot different changing a diaper with a little boy.
He had patience and willingness to learn, and i guess it helped that he had a shit load of paediatric intensive care training from all the hospital visits with Braden. Caring for a medically fragile infant made diaper changes “easy peasy” 😉
When it came to raising you and all the “girl” things most dad’s worry about, he always remained the calm, reasonable one. He managed to always keep things in perspective, his calm presence just didn’t help me out at the time, it also kept you on the straight and narrow path. He just always has that effect on you, i am so grateful for that. He is not dramatic, and he doesn’t allow the drama either. I think you grew up respecting that and somehow he could always bring comfort to situations when I was even upset.
Don’t get me wrong, when you came home upset about something or someone he wanted to take a sledge hammer to their head. Someone hurts his daughter….they must pay.
On the other side, you could do no wrong in his eyes. I truly believe you could bold face lie to him and he’d believe anything you told him. He thought/thinks you are perfect. I don’t think there is anything you could do to change his perspective on you…that includes the 3 dents on the BLKRABIT.
I know one thing for sure, when it comes to you his number one concern is your happiness. Besides your health, he worries most about your level of happiness. He has taken on a roll as a father to be sure you go through this thing we called life with a smile.
He wants you to work hard, be a nice person, love your family, be independent and find your own joy, Whatever that may be, he is one guy who will always respect your choices.
He is proud of you, knows you work hard, thinks you sleep to much lol to be honest we all do. At the end of the day however he sees your dedication, he knows you have what it takes to be successful. He’s watched you do that from day one.
When we chose to have another baby, after having my car accident and while raising a medically fragile little boy everyone thought we were crazy. Looking back, i’m not too sure what we were thinking…but i can say for sure it was the best thing we could have done for our family. Bringing you into the picture I truly believe was the piece that healed us. We all needed you. Guess who’s idea it was to have another baby? Yep..it was dad’s.
I was terrified, so scared to commit to such a life changing event. My hands were full, my heart was
missing something though..your dad knew that. He was right, and he reassured me daily that things were going to be ok. He wanted another baby to complete us, and that’s just what you did.
Ok lets take a look at the second man (besides Papa and Braden) who will love you beyond measure.
When I truly think of this future man coming into our lives, standing beside you for the rest of your life all I can think of is what will my role be to make sure this man is happy too. I can’t even fathom how important he is going to be to me. Know, I’m not trying to make this about me..let me explain. If this man is going to be sharing your life with you, and your whole life I have been beside you then this man is taking my role. His presence in your life is going to be so important to me, if he is happy he will make you happy.
He is a partner who you have chosen to build a life outside of the one you have here. We will always be a big part of your life, but there comes a time when mom’s and dad’s step aside and become spectators.
I know you can’t even begin to understand at this point in your life the love you will share with your partner. Although I claim no other man will love you as much as your father does, I’m afraid this may not be completely true. If you have the right man at the alter…he’s going to come a close second to your dad. That’s the way it should be, I would expect nothing less for any man who steps into your life. He will be expected to put you above and beyond anyone else in his life. You want one secret to a long successful happy marriage, put each other first ALWAYS~
That means even before your father and I. With that said, and with both your father and I understanding that kind of commitment to each other, don’t think for one moment your dad is going to let any bloke come into our lives and take you away. This young man is going to have to answer some pretty serious questions. I know your father will make him his best friend, as papa did with him. Cause once again there is nothing more important than your happiness.
Know I say this with such ease, but don’t be fooled fox. Dad and I are masters achievers at giving you the space you need inorder to find your authentic self, that will include your marriage and family. We promise to always respect your choices, boundaries and beliefs..that is as long as it is not dangerous, abusive, corrupt or causes you any kind of pain and suffering. My god if that ever becomes the case, then he better run.
Do I think this man will love you more than your father? (The reason behind this post)
My answer is….”He better damn well try”.
He will most certainly love you more than your father, but in a completely different way. A fathers love is unconditional. But a husband’s love is a choice. He will love you because he wants too, and he should love you more than anyone else in this world.
I remember when you kids were little, and I would question who do I love more my husband or my children. It’s such a tough question to try to answer and honestly I don’t think there’s an answer. But now that we are at this phase in life, I can see why it was so important to put your father first. You kids are leaving the per say “nest” and building your own lives. Someday you will be putting all your time, love, laughter, sweat and tears into someone else. If you stop doing that then over time, the love will lessen. It will fade, stretch and the threads will start to tear.
So, yes my advice as a wife is this..you should love your husband more than anyone else in this world. That doesn’t mean you can’t love other people in your life equally, it just means besides yourself, put him first. Please expect the same in return. It is his job to fulfill his agreement to give 100% of him to you.
It’s all a balance Fox, there is no right or wrong answer. I can say with certainty, your father will be watching and listening from afar. He will always be on standby, ready to help, protect or encourage you. From day one he made that commitment, because he loves you so very much. His expectation will be the same for your future husband. I can say with confidence, your father loves you enough to make your husband his best friend. Just as papa did~
I asked dad to write a couple words for you, I wanted to include him in this post. I asked him three questions and told him to answer in his own words. I said to keep it simple but factual. Here is what he said.
What do you hope she finds in a husband, and what’s the most important attribute’s he should have?
He should be independent, be confident and can handle being on his own.
Make sure he’s aware of Kail’s feelings not just about himself.
Will you always be there for her? No matter what the circumstances.
Beggars never go away. So it’s very difficult to keep them away lol. Just kidding. I will always be there for kail. She’s my baby girl and there is not even a second thought about it.
What is the most important message for a happy marriage?
Being married is a job and you will always be working at it. Keep communication open. Have time for being a couple.
There you have it Fox, I hope you can come away from this blog post with a sense of how much you are loved.
Until next time,
Sent from my iPhone