100 Things I Want To Teach My Daughter #76 Love your children for who they are, not for what you want them to be~

Love Your Children for who they are, not for what you want them to be~

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Well Fox, as you know even from tonight’s chats this one was a challenge for me at times. We had a lovely walk this evening and I love our talks. I hope you always remember this conversation we shared tonight especially when you become a mommy~

As I was explaining to you earlier, when you have a child you automatically assume your baby is going to be “everything you’ve imagined”. Especially with you being a girl, I had just figured I’d have this bubbly little girl floating around the world with the happiest brightest smile I ever did see. I mean in my dreams long before you were even considered a twinkling light in my mind, I had always wanted a spunky, high-spirited little girl.

To my surprise, god had other plans for my perfect daughter~

Now I am not saying you were not happy, I know you had a wonderful childhood with not too many worries or concerns related to family life, stability or safety. I am not dismissing the seriousness of some things you endured being a sister to medically fragile brother. You DID NOT have it easy by any means and the stress at times in our home was deafening.
I am proud however that through it all, we still managed to remain a family. We always put each other first and your happiness was always of the utmost importance.
It really is so nice that we can look back at you as a child and chuckle.

Tonight you asked me if I felt due to your brother receiving so much outside attention from others that maybe that had an effect on your personality and demeanor.

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(This was one of those times when your Brother was getting lot of attention. It was Make a Wish for him, and you were having none of it)

Maybe Fox it did, I do know at times you resented him for all the attention he got. I know it must have been very hard to watch even strangers come up and talk to him. Give him their blessings, some even passed him money. We did our best with the effects that may have had on you. If you remember, anything Braden received he would have to share, or donate to charity.

We really did try to compensate for the lack of societies awareness of your presence. Please know, deep down I loved that they saw you as a “normal” child. All I ever wanted was a “normal” family.
If you really think about it, how do you think Braden felt? If anything it made him feel different from us. I didn’t expect you to understand that as a child, we did our best~

I find it hilarious that your old friends, and the new ones you’ve met have discussed your b**ch face with you. Some admitting they were scared of you. I LOVE that Fraser called you a “Miserable Git” pretty much through all your school years.

Here you were with all your excitement during your school Christmas play, lol sorry fox..its just too cute!)

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LOL…the ones who know you, know better. I admire the ones who have stuck by you, the ones who accept you for who you are. Regardless of what you are portraying on the outside, your true friends know you on the inside. They are able to share in your excitement even if you have a “face on”. LOL

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{I remember doing this photo shoot, it was for my practice but also an encouraging time to show you how to relax and smile. lol…it went well 🙂

Now, I know you are not a miserable person. I also know you are a whole lotta shit kickin fun. You are a straight shooter who sees through bullshit faster than anyone can smell it. You don’t work to please anyone, and you are not too concern of what others think of you. I LOVE THAT!

But it has taken me a very long time to get here.

You see, I use to worry all the time. Why doesn’t my daughter come running out of gymnastics laughing and screaming, happy, smiling and dancing all the way to the van? NO, my lil’freckled fox couldn’t give a fuck that gymnastics was over, she wanted her juice box and that was the extent of her happy thoughts.

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(Well here’s classic example of you lack of enthusiasm with gymnastics. As you can see, you didn’t have your mind in it. You had other things going on, obviously you were thinking about getting the hell out of there as soon as possible. lol)

Tonight you had the best possible answer ever and Fox you continuously amazing me with your smarts, analogies and life knowledge.
I asked you why (in a joking way) “why didn’t you ever come out of gymnastics or skating lessons laughing and smiling?”. Your response was classic Kail….”Cause I already reached happy”, I didn’t need others to know it.
Happiness on the inside is the secret to all success and you had that figured out long before anyone else I know.

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Our beautiful girl~

You out of anyone on this earth have taught me so much about life~

It has taken me well into my 40’s to understand I do not need to impress anyone. That I am not responsible for anyone else’s happiness. Here you are a 4 year old little girl with the confidence of a lion. Of course at the time I was insecure and couldn’t figure out why my brilliant little girl wasn’t skipping out of the gym grabbing at my purse for your “after activity snack”. You have always been the calm cool collected girl. Sometimes I wanted that little spirited child, the one smiling, running and hopping for attention. That just wasn’t you…and I had to learn to love that~

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It has taken me some time to realize that nature sometimes over rules nurture while parenting. You see, the traits you share are with your father. He too has never succumbed to pleasing people. That intimidates some, and you my darling have that natural ability. NEVER lose it. This is what will make you a successful woman in todays world.
In todays world of social media, selfies, show-offs and “look at me’s”, you are not effected by it. Not that there is anything wrong with “sharing” what you look like on Instagram. I just admire the fact that you don’t find it necessary. I love that~

So lets get back on track here. This post is written to leave you with some parenting knowledge, something I want you to always remember when you become a mom.

Love your children for who they are, not for what you want them to be~

Just because you may want your children to grow up and become professionals, models, brilliant scientists, doctors, or lawyers. It doesn’t mean its what they want. As long as you know they have the attitude that they can always better themselves through life experience, education and pursuing goals. If they are determined, independent, law abiding citizens. LOVE THEM.
As parents we all have hopes and dreams that our children will become successful, hardworking adults. Sometimes children have other plans, they become artsy, free-spirited individuals floating around society in a haze. LOVE THEM.
If you are confident in your parenting, and they have all the tools they need to define their own success…then my darling you have done a wonderful job. Let them find their own way in this world, let them leave their stardust everywhere.
Sometimes they will take longer to find themselves, that’s ok. If you provide an environment filled with love, trust and respect your children will always want to strive for a better life.
It is one of the hardest things as parents to do, allowing your adult children to pursue the dreams that you did not have for them. Its a loss, and sometimes we mourn the ideas we had specifically for them.
That includes all their choices and decisions, you must give them room to grow and develop into the lovely person they want to be. Like I said, it may not be what you had dreamt on the day they were born. However I promise if you choose to understand their wishes you’ll get to know them on a level you could only ever imagine. Be open to change, and love them regardless~

I love you my Freckled fox and you continue to make us proud.
My lovelies, until tomorrow good night and god bless~

 

Freckled Fox

 

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