I have shared on this blog that we are currently under construction at home here. We are renovating. Making some changes to our home so that It can accomadate our family.
How it works over here is like this;
We have a 24 year old adult son, who is active, busy, independent and always having people coming and going. Our home was always an open door to friends and family. You did have to call first tho…lol I hate drop ins. Unless of course you need me…then by all means come by any time of the day or night,
Anyways, our son is also in a wheelchair. Now thats not something of importance here, except that he isn’t able to get into just anyone’s home. This is why we have always had an open door. If B wanted to have a social life, it had to be here. SO we allowed house parties, under aged (supervised) drinking, (not that we liked it), we allowed late night online gaming, boys nights, girls nights (Most challenging of my parenting career) and girl friend overnights, of course once he was of age.
We had some pretty challenging years mostly during the teenage phase.
Then he became a young man, and the choices he was making had nothing to do with Paul and I. He was dating and entertaining women here in our home. That eventually became too much for us to handle. Now..keep in mind he is in a wheelchair. So it is a lot harder for him to get into someone else’s home. Not all homes have barrier free entrances. Once agin, if he wanted to have a relationship with someone , it had to be here. We also had new nursing staff start. It did become awkward when Paul and I would be watching TV late at night and someone would come through my house, walking right by us at 11 pm at night. That too became hard. Not that we don’t like these people . We are grateful, appreciative and thankful to each one of them but it doesn’t mean we like to be interrupted each evening.
Once B was able to make some decisions regarding his living arrangements he chose to keep the house we are already in. He wanted to remain in his childhood home. We did have some hiccups though, as initially we thought we’d sell this house and we would all go our separate ways. Then B and his “at the time” girlfriend thought they would stay in this house and Paul and I would move. (While making these decisions we still had K at home, so we still needed to be considerate to her needs).
Eventually, believe it or not….the hopes and dreams I have always had secretly tucked in my heart was that we would co-habitate with B in this house. Our home is definitely big enough to support each of us spaciously and without conflict.
Between you and I, of course my dreams were that B would marry and move away or into his own home that he would build a beautiful family with. ((0f course over time I realized, that may not be his dreams). But with that dream, i never wanted to be too far. We raised a medically fragile child, who’s live was threatened too many times due to illness. As an adult his needs have changed, he’s not as “medically fragile” but he does have different concerns that come up from time to time.
Knowing that we couldn’t make the living arrangement decision for him, we waited for him to experience life on his own. He did move out for a short time, he managed that all by himself. I think he just needed the confirmation that he could do it. Once he moved back into this house, we had to make some changes. You see with him gone, Paul and I had the chance to live life as “empty-nesters”, we could see how life would be without adult children around. Naturally, it looked pretty nice.
With B deciding to come back home, he made an announcement that he would like to remain in this house and he would like us to live with him. Before I could agree to that we all needed to come up with a plan to change the living arrangements. B was more than happy, and probably relived to have some privacy and space of his own.
I can honestly say, this was the best possible case. Lets seperate the home into two seperate living areas, but remain under one roof. Perfect.
(Our two new seperate entrances above~ Go to the right welcome to my place, go to the left welcome to Braden’s quarters)
The only problem with this…its going to take a lot of time and a lot of construction. And that my friends is where we are today. Living through renovations again….it was only about 16-17 years ago we added a second floor to this house. But if you think about it, family needs change all the time. Families move houses all the time to suit their needs, we just aren’t moving we just keep re-adjusting our existing home.
It’s exciting, but challenging all at the same time. The reason I started this post to begin with was to admit that I may have made a mistake….I did not hire a decorator to help with our reno’s. I took this project on by myself. Well…I did take advice from our contractor which I trust, and of course Paul and the kids. But bottom line, I’m in charge of the final project. And last night that hit me hard. What if i’m making mistakes? Panick set in…..is my flooring right? Will the colour on my walls compliment our home, flooring and lifestyle? What am i trying to convey through decorating. What is my theme? Do I have a theme? DO i NEED a theme? What have I done?
I have been doing a lot of research around home decorating, and i do love what I see but how long will this “style” last?
I know currently the flooring style is going back to light wood. I prefer dark. But my window light will show everything on a dark floor. SO i met in the middle, with a wood floor that is medium shades of brown with some dancing flashes of gray. Depending on lighting the floor looks different at all times of the day….Arrrgh!!!!
Don’t even get me started on my bannisters. Trying to come up with a stain almost sent me into hysterics. Match the stain to your floor is what they said. Well that then depends on the shade I want to pull from my floor…gray or brown?? I pulled the brown with an Espresso stain. Not too dark not too light, half of my kitchen cupboards are a darker brown. Does my stain clash with my cupboards now? OMG.
Should I have gotten a decorator or interior designer? I didn’t…but only because I didnt think these reno’s would have been so much. I’m trusting my gut here. I did the best I could. I researched a ton, and I also dug deep too see who we are and what we want to portray in our home. We have decided to become “minimalists” which means related to our home much of the decorations that once filled our walls and cabinets will not be coming back out. So what will I put back up to bring life to our home? NO IDEA! Do i want art prints? Family photo’s? Wall art? Mirrors? Candles? To be honest if I could put all my kids childhood art projects framed and on the walls I would feel most happy. I think for now, they’ll stay in my bedroom, they already dress my walls with love.
Well, let me say at the end of the day when this project is all said and done. We will successfully have 4 adults living indendantly under one roof. Each of us with a seperate entrance and our own private living quarters. Our space will be separated by frosted glass doors, just enough to fool the mind of who lives where. But open enough that morning tea and Sunday dinners will still be on the homefront with only a door handle away. It is my best case scenario. I could not be happier, my heart feels content. My mind is at ease knowing he is not far. We will always have a room here available to K, so she can come and go as she pleases as well. I have no plans on changing her bedroom, she will always have a home here.
Well I am off to start the day, work, picking up paint, visiting a neighbor, and looking at dining room chandeliers. It never ends, i’m Sure there will be a meltdown at some point today over lighting. 🙂
Until next time,
god bless~
The Grace In Grief 