As I stumble forward on this quest of writing my book, I keep coming across certain “writings.” Like this one I’m sharing below:

I didn’t really document much back then or anything after either. I’m disappointed in myself about that. I can remember the moments, I still feel the pain in them. I remember doing nothing more than surviving. Not just the initial moment of impact but all the firestones thrown after. The hospitalization, intubations, illness, sadness, triumphs, happiness and fear.

This was my very first documented writing. I do remember writing it, I was sitting in Braden’s hospital room in ICU. It was April, Paul was back to work part time. The room was dimmed, door closed and Braden was napping as any 16 month old should be in the afternoon. I sat quietly on his windowsill. Usually once he’d fall asleep, I’d take that time to go to the cafeteria grab some lunch, stop at the little store and pick out some scratch tickets. Then i’d sit at the enterence of the hospital, eat my lunch, drink my tea and scratch my tickets while people watching.

Have you ever sat at the enterance of a hospital? Although you are surrounded by so many people coming and going, visiting, working, cleaning, crying, laughing and celebrating it has to be the loneliest place in the world.

I would sit right at the front of the doors, maybe subconsciously I was testing myself. It was daring sitting there so close to doors that could lead me to freedom. Those doors opening and closing constantly teasing me. It’s like they are willing me to leave, open, close, open, close..take the chance Chrissy when they open again..run!

I never ran~

I would never have run~

Sitting there on that little bench by myself gave me the opportunity to learn a lot. Observing people in their most vulnerable moments  taught me so much about life. It was fascinating, I would listen to conversations about diagnosis, illness, death, birth, love and resilience. Some of the most courageous people I have ever witnessed stood 5 feet away from me, they didn’t know me, didn’t notice me but I was a part of their crisis.

Most times my heart broke for them, during those times when I would watch them cry and lean on one another I would sit silently and pray for them. I prayed for the strength they will need to endure the pain they were suffering. I was a small presence that they were unaware of silently fighting and willing for them to survive whatever pain they were experiencing.

In my mind, I was with them. I understood their pain, and I also knew they would survive. The hard part was understanding the road it was going to take to get there. Oh how the journey was going to shape their very existence, the people they are here in that moment will not be who they are once they leave this hospital for good.

I really liked seeing the happy people, the young set of parents leaving with their new baby. The congratulations balloons in tow, the pink or blue blankets and hats that protected and comforted the new bundle to joy. The overwhelming look of the new parents as they walk through those glass doors into a new world of uncertainty. Often I would wonder what their journey would be like. Would they ever find them selves wrapped in a tragedy like mine? I hope not~

Watching them leave was both happy and sad. How fortunate that they could leave this place and walk through those doors. They get to go home to their comfortable beds, watch their own TV’s and snuggle their new baby. Such a normal transition into parenthood that so many take for granted. I would never again take for granted the contentment of home or the luxury of sleeping in my bed, while snuggling my baby.

The hardest moments I found myself silently apart of was the deaths of family. Oh the sadness I have seen. You see it on TV, the families standing in a circle in the entrance of a hospital.  All of them with red, swollen eyes, runny noses and sniffles. I have noticed during all my observations that in every group there is always the strong one. The one who doesn’t appear to be crying, fumbling with their car keys wanting to leave and guide their loved ones out through those glass doors. The one who is strong, wraps their arms around their family. Taking mental notes of the next step in planning a funeral. Then we had the one who appears to be the most distraught. The one where everyone is gathered around them, holding them up and whispering which I would guess much needed words of encouragement. The rest of the family standing silently, making uncomfortable eye contact knowing the next few days is going to be a whirlwind of pain and emotional discomfort.

I would sit there watching them trying to come to terms with their own struggles. Sitting so still not to take them away from their reality, I didn’t want them to notice me. I wanted to be invisible. I suppose a part of me knew that if they glanced my way, they’d see a young, quiet, girl sitting on a hospital bench with the same eyes they bore. Sad. They too would know I was there fighting a battle they knew nothing about. It would only make my situation real again, and for that hour a day when I was all alone I wanted to be invisible without any identity.

 

It seems so long ago, these words that I wrote. While reading it I still feel the desperation, fear and pain. The thing about tragedy is it changes you in so many ways. My whole life I have been cursed/blessed with the ability to know and feel pain in someone just by looking at them.

 I’m so thankful I still have these little tid bits of writings. It’s so wonderful that I can look back and see how far we’ve come. How blessed we are. Those lonely lunch hours were moments of healing, becoming aligned with myself. The strength I restored sitting on that bench at lunch each day gave me the courage to keep moving forward. Gaining the courage to walk back down to the ICU dept and continue my role as mom, nurse, physical therapist, clown, wife and warrior~

Until next time my lovelies..

Peace.

Do you have any idea how devastating it is for a parent of a physically challenged child to go to a park? Here’s a little secret….I did not look forward to going to the park with friends. It was NOT a good time for me.

WHY?

Because your children got too run around the playground and creative while my son had to be carried. Usually by myself or Paul. It was a very difficult time, and I am sure Braden had many frustrating moments due to the lack of accessibility in our parks.

You see its not that I hated being with my friends or their kids, it was how much work it entitled. All the other parents could pull up a chair, sit down and supervise their children while they played on the creative.

I wanted to watch my kid play~Not help my kid play

I had to constantly be up and down, in and out always available to that perfect little boy who just wanted to keep up with the others.

How could I not leap up when he called out too me..”Mommy can I go up there”, “Mommy can I swing on the swings?”, “Mommy can I go down the slide?” Of course I would jump up and bring him around the creative doing all the wonderful things the other three year olds were doing.

If there was a little tykes car on the street, he’d want to go in that. That would mean I had to lift him, and try to fit him in that little car while threading his legs into a working position. Once seated he’d want me to push him. That meant bending over, sweating in the heat of summer pushing this little guy whose legs would end up getting caught somewhere between place A and B. Then the tears would flow. Usually mine~

Now lets not make this all about me. I can guarantee you this, he certainly didn’t want me there either. If given a choice any little boy would not want their mother linger over them, carrying them, maneuvering him from place to place. Constantly carrying them while their little friends ran about playing tag or shooting their fake finger guns at one another pretending to shot the bad guy. It became a dependant relationship that neither of us would have wanted if given a choice. I could see the frustration on his face, it was a very difficult time in his childhood. Something that so many others take for granted.

I have witnessed the annoyed parent who begrudgingly gets up out of their chair to pass a towel to their wet child. Whining because their child is stuck on top of the creative and too scared to come down by themselves, so they have to get up off your lawn chair and lift them down. What I would have given to have had that choice. How very fortunate and blessed you are…and you don’t even know it.

Looking at those summer days today, some of these issues were faced in the best of environments. Well paved playgrounds were the ideal, however there were never any ramps or wheelchair accessible obstacles for him to play on.

Can you imagine how things went down when the playground was mulch covered or sported nice plush green grass, or even better the sand filled play ground. We down right avoided those, the water parks were horrendous as well. Pretty much had to get myself wet every time, he couldn’t use his electric mobility devices because they couldn’t get wet.

Once again, if we didn’t get up and participate in the activities, carrying Braden through the splash pad and water fountains he wouldn’t have that fun either. So forget sitting down with the other mom’s at the park. I just give thanks that I was a young mom. I had the energy at that time in life, well I had the physical ability but that doesn’t mean I wasn’t tired. That just means I willed the strength to make it happen.

But in all honesty I was tired, I was jealous that everyone else could sit down and relax while their kids burned off energy on the playground. The sun leaving kisses on their little faces, scraped knees, sticky fingers and dirty faces completed the day. Out like a light after dinner, smelling like the sweet scents of summer.

Is that selfish of me?

Even though I have the bravery today to speak the truth and share with you what it is like for parents of physically disabled children, I do believe there was many positive things that came out of it. In all honesty if you were to ask any parent of a special needs child I can guarantee there may be things they would love to change, but I know it would never be their child.

I for one, wouldn’t change a whole lot about my life. I absolutely love my family and who we are today.

The best of times was when it was just the four of us. (also my parents). We would play on the creative as a family, Paul and I didn’t need to worry about talking to others or drinking our coffee’s while they’re hot. We played with our children, because we had too, and most times wanted too. Paul would lift Braden up, and he would run all around the creative. Kailey and I trailing behind laughing and loving our family time. We’d wear these kids out and then grab an ice cream and head home. We always enjoyed our time out together as a family, I didn’t have to be jealous of anyone because all those parents watching us with our children were jealous of us. I could see it

I don’t want to come off in this post like playing in parks with my kids was not fun. I did enjoy spending time with my friends and their children. I am complaining about how challenging non-accessible playgrounds were/are for children with physical disabilities. I am expressing exactly how difficult it is for parents and their differently abled children who have to operate around wheelchair hating debris.

Having these hindrances in our lives, we did become quite crafty with outdoor play. Our imaginations became so important. We had to come up with ideas on how to encourage and incorporate out door play for Braden and his friends.

Winter time play with neighbours.

Neighbourhood kids playing with Braden and Kailey. They learned at a very young age how to incorporate Braden, I will love these Wadsworth kids for always being there for him.

Pool parties with friends, endless summertime days. Lots of candy and good times~

Water gun play…refilling the guns.

More pool parties…always a pool full of kids. As you can see Braden was independent with his friends. I was always close, someone had eyes on him at all times. The kids knew his fears and weaknesses but always made him feel safe.

Its one of those things that if we didn’t take charge and taught some of his friends how to include Braden in play…then how would they know?

We eventually bought Braden a power wheels jeep, this provided him with some mobility while outside.

Braden and baby Kayla at the park, just babies.

All the kids loved getting rides in that jeep. They became very creative, and attached wagon’s and buggy’s too it. I remember at times Paul would load that jeep into our van before leaving for work in the morning because I was having a play date at the park that morning with friends. I had great people in my life who would help me take the jeep out of the van, and then load it back up when we were leaving. He didn’t have to miss out on much, if the playground was paved he would have a blast.

Eventually we started bringing toys to the park, we loaded up our van with water guns, plastic toys, toy guns, racquets, balls, chalk, bubbles, action figures. Pretty much anything we could draw the neighbourhood and park kids in too play with Braden. It was a lot of work, but when those kids saw our wagon coming filled with toys. They’d come running. Genius.

Then we put in a in ground pool. That was another good idea.

We had countless pool parties, school year end parties, special engagement parties and just “lets get together” parties.

We also put in a hot tub, in the winter time it was wonderful. Braden could have friends over and they could spend time outside in the hot tub together.

Having all the kids come to our house worked great. It was ALOT of work, and we were exhausted parents. But we did it. He did not miss out on anything. Paul and my brother built a creative in the back yard as well. It was an all wooden structure that had stairs that were laid out perfectly for Braden so he could do them himself. It was amazing.

On top of the creative, he could crawl around the whole thing by himself. I had to stay close but at least he was independent with friends. There was nothing sweeter than hearing him laughing with his buddies, you never knew what he was up too.

All his friends could run around, but if he played his cards right he could always control the play. He learned very young how to keep those kids interested and intrigued with playtime at our house. Even in the pool they knew exactly how to keep Braden integrated.

During a school play, he was a part of everything. The kids made sure of it.

For all the negatives we always had ten positives. I truly have not much to complain about. The people in our lives were wonderful. The kids who played and entertained Braden through his childhood were honestly a god send. That included our neighbourhood kids as well. We had the best set up here on Wadsworth Cres.

The purpose of this blog post is too let people know, that our communities are not set up for children in wheelchairs. We have a long way to go, so many changes need to be made. My advice to you, if you are a parent reading this post and you are at a park and see a child in a wheelchair. Please make an effort to bring your child over to them. Ask them if they’d like to play. Ask the parent or guardian what can we do to make it easier for their child too join in.

Having the time today too go through all these memories, I look back and wonder how we did it. My hopes would be too inspire you to make a difference.

Well my lovelies, I hope you are all doing well. Until next time good night and god bless~

FRIDAY, MAY 6, 2016

100 Things I Want To Teach My Daughter #76~ Love Your Children for whothey are, not for what you want them to be~

Love Your Children for who they are, not for what you want them to be~

Well Fox, as you know even from tonight’s chats this one was a challenge for me at times. We had a lovely walk this evening and I love our talks. I hope you always remember this conversation we shared tonight especially when you become a mommy~

As I was explaining to you earlier, when you have a child you automatically assume your baby is going to be “everything you’ve imagined”. Especially with you being a girl, I had just figured I’d have this bubbly little girl floating around the world with the happiest brightest smile I ever did see. I mean in my dreams long before you were even considered a twinkling light in my mind, I had always wanted a spunky, high-spirited little girl.

To my surprise, god had other plans for my perfect daughter~

Now I am not saying you were not happy, I know you had a wonderful childhood with not too many worries or concerns related to family life, stability or safety.  I am not dismissing the seriousness of some things you endured being a sister to medically fragile brother. You DID NOT have it easy by any means and the stress at times in our home was deafening.

I am proud however that through it all, we still managed to remain a family. We always put each other first and your happiness was always of the utmost importance.

It really is so nice that we can look back at you as a child and chuckle.

Tonight you asked me if I felt due to your brother receiving so much outside attention from others that maybe that had an effect on your personality and demeanor.

(This was one of those times when your Brother was getting lot of attention. It was Make a Wish for him, and you were having none of it)

Maybe Fox it did, I do know at times you resented him for all the attention he got. I know it must have been very hard to watch even strangers come up and talk to him. Give him their blessings, some even passed him money. We did our best with the effects that may have had on you. If you remember, anything Braden received he would have to share, or donate to charity.

We really did try to compensate for the lack of societies awareness of your presence. Please know, deep down I loved that they saw you as a “normal” child. All I ever wanted was a “normal” family.

If you really think about it, how do you think Braden felt? If anything it made him feel different from us. I didn’t expect you to understand that as a child, we did our best~

I find it hilarious that your old friends, and the new ones you’ve met have discussed your b**ch face with you. Some admitting they were scared of you. I LOVE that Fraser called you a “Miserable Git” pretty much through all your school years.

Here you were with all your excitement during your school Christmas play, lol sorry fox..its just too cute!)

LOL…the ones who know you, know better. I admire the ones who have stuck by you, the ones who accept you for who you are. Regardless of what you are portraying on the outside, your true friends know you on the inside. They are able to share in your excitement even if you have a “face on”. LOL

{I remember doing this photo shoot, it was for my practice but also an encouraging time to show you how to relax and smile. lol…it went well 🙂

Now, I know you are not a miserable person. I also know you are a whole lotta shit kickin fun. You are a straight shooter who sees through bullshit faster than anyone can smell it. You don’t work to please anyone, and you are not too concern of what others think of you. I LOVE THAT!

But it has taken me a very long time to get here.

You see, I use to worry all the time. Why doesn’t my daughter come running out of gymnastics laughing and screaming, happy, smiling and dancing all the way to the van? NO, my lil’freckled fox couldn’t give a fuck that gymnastics was over, she wanted her juice box and that was the extent of her happy thoughts.

(Well here’s classic example of you lack of enthusiasm with gymnastics. As you can see, you didn’t have your mind in it. You had other things going on, obviously you were thinking about getting the hell out of there as soon as possible. lol)

Tonight you had the best possible answer ever and Fox you continuously amazing me with your smarts, analogies and life knowledge.

I asked you why (in a joking way) “why didn’t you ever come out of gymnastics or skating lessons laughing and smiling?”. Your response was classic Kail….”Cause I already reached happy”, I didn’t need others to know it.

Happiness on the inside is the secret to all success and you had that figured out long before anyone else I know.

Our beautiful girl~

You out of anyone on this earth have taught me so much about life~

It has taken me well into my 40’s to understand I do not need to impress anyone. That I am not responsible for anyone else’s happiness. Here you are a 4 year old little girl with the confidence of a lion. Of course at the time I was insecure and couldn’t figure out why my brilliant little girl wasn’t skipping out of the gym grabbing at my purse for your “after activity snack”. You have always been the calm cool collected girl. Sometimes I wanted that little spirited child, the one smiling, running and hopping for attention. That just wasn’t you…and I had to learn to love that~

It has taken me some time to realize that nature sometimes over rules nurture while parenting. You see, the traits you share are with your father. He too has never succumbed to pleasing people. That intimidates some, and you my darling have that natural ability. NEVER lose it. This is what will make you a successful woman in todays world.

In todays world of social media, selfies, show-offs and “look at me’s”, you are not effected by it. Not that there is anything wrong with “sharing” what you look like on Instagram. I just admire the fact that you don’t find it necessary. I love that~

So lets get back on track here. This post is written to leave you with some parenting knowledge, something I want you to always remember when you become a mom.

Love your children for who they are, not for what you want them to be~

Just because you may want your children to grow up and become professionals, models, brilliant scientists, doctors, or lawyers. It doesn’t mean its what they want. As long as you know they have the attitude that they can always better themselves through life experience, education and pursuing goals. If they are determined, independent, law abiding citizens. LOVE THEM.

As parents we all have hopes and dreams that our children will become successful, hardworking adults. Sometimes children have other plans, they become artsy, free-spirited individuals floating around society in a haze. LOVE THEM.

If you are confident in your parenting, and they have all the tools they need to define their own success…then my darling you have done a wonderful job. Let them find their own way in this world,  let them leave their stardust everywhere.

Sometimes they will take longer to find themselves, that’s ok. If you provide an environment filled with love, trust and respect your children will always want to strive for a better life.

It is one of the hardest things as parents to do, allowing your adult children to pursue the dreams that you did not have for them. Its a loss, and sometimes we mourn the ideas we had specifically for them.

That includes all their choices and decisions, you must give them room to grow and develop into the lovely person they want to be. Like I said, it may not be what you had dreamt on the day they were born. However  I promise if you choose to understand their wishes you’ll get to know them on a level you could only ever imagine. Be open to change, and love them regardless~

I love you my Freckled fox and you continue to make us proud.

My lovelies, until tomorrow good night and god bless~

Freckled Fox

Posted by Chrissy’s family life blog at 7:09 PM No comments:

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WEDNESDAY, APRIL 27, 2016

Playgrounds Were A Nightmares~ Accessibility has always been a battle

Do you have any idea how devastating it is for a parent of a physically challenged child to go to a park?  Here’s a little secret….I did not look forward to going to the park with friends. It was NOT a good time for me.

WHY?

Because your children got too run around the playground and creative while my son had to be carried. Usually by myself or Paul. It was a very difficult time, and I am sure Braden had many frustrating moments due to the lack of accessibility in our parks.

You see its not that I hated being with my friends or their kids,  it was how much work it entitled. All the other parents could pull up a chair, sit down and supervise their children while they played on the creative.

I wanted to watch my kid play~Not help my kid play

I had to constantly be up and down, in and out always available to that perfect little boy who just wanted to  keep up with the others.

How could I not leap up when he called out too me..”Mommy can I go up there”, “Mommy can I swing on the swings?”, “Mommy can I go down the slide?” Of course I would jump up and bring him around the creative doing all the wonderful things the other three year olds were doing.

If there was a little tykes car on the street, he’d want to go in that. That would mean I had to lift him, and try to fit him in that little car while threading his legs into a working position. Once seated he’d want me to push him. That meant bending over, sweating in the heat of summer pushing this little guy whose legs would end up getting caught somewhere between place A and B. Then the tears would flow. Usually mine~

Now lets not make this all about me. I can guarantee you this, he certainly didn’t want me there either. If given a choice any little boy would not want their mother linger over them, carrying them, maneuvering him from place to place. Constantly carrying them while their little friends ran about playing tag or shooting their fake finger guns at one another pretending to shot the bad guy. It became a dependant relationship that neither of us would have wanted if given a choice. I could see the frustration on his face, it was a very difficult time in his childhood. Something that so many others take for granted.

I have witnessed the annoyed parent who begrudgingly gets up out of their chair to pass a towel to their wet child. Whining because their child is stuck on top of the creative and too scared to come down by themselves, so they have to get up off your lawn chair and lift them down. What I would have given to have had that choice. How very fortunate and blessed you are…and you don’t even know it.

Looking at those summer days today, some of these issues were faced in the best of environments. Well paved playgrounds were the ideal, however there were never any ramps or wheelchair accessible obstacles for him to play on.

Can you imagine how things went down when the playground was mulch covered or sported nice plush green grass, or even better the sand filled play ground. We down right avoided those, the water parks were horrendous as well. Pretty much had to get myself wet every time, he couldn’t use his electric mobility devices because they couldn’t get wet.

Once again, if we didn’t get up and participate in the activities, carrying Braden through the splash pad and water fountains he wouldn’t have that fun either. So forget sitting down with the other mom’s at the park. I just give thanks that I was a young mom. I had the energy at that time in life, well I had the physical ability but that doesn’t mean I wasn’t tired. That just means I willed the strength to make it happen.

But in all honesty I was tired, I was jealous that everyone else could sit down and relax while their kids burned off energy on the playground. The sun leaving kisses on their little faces, scraped knees, sticky fingers and dirty faces completed the day. Out like a light after dinner, smelling like the sweet scents of summer.

Is that selfish of me?

Even though I have the bravery today to speak the truth and share with you what it is like for parents of physically disabled children, I do believe there was many positive things that came out of it. In all honesty if you were to ask any parent of a special needs child I can guarantee there may be things they would love to change, but I know it would never be their child.

I for one, wouldn’t change a whole lot about my life. I absolutely love my family and who we are today.

The best of times was when it was just the four of us. (also my parents). We would play on the creative as a family, Paul and I didn’t need to worry about talking to others or drinking our coffee’s while they’re hot. We played with our children, because we had too, and most times wanted too. Paul would lift Braden up, and he would run all around the creative. Kailey and I trailing behind laughing and loving our family time. We’d wear these kids out and then grab an ice cream and head home. We always enjoyed our time out together as a family, I didn’t have to be jealous of anyone because all those parents watching us with our children were jealous of us. I could see it

I don’t want to come off in this post like playing in parks with my kids was not fun. I did enjoy spending time with my friends and their children.  I am complaining about how challenging non-accessible playgrounds were/are for children with physical disabilities. I am expressing  exactly how difficult it is for parents and their differently abled children who have to operate around wheelchair hating debris.

Having these hindrances in our lives, we did become quite crafty with outdoor play. Our imaginations became so important. We had to come up with ideas on how to encourage and incorporate out door play for Braden and his friends.

Winter time play with neighbours.

Neighbourhood kids playing with Braden and Kailey. They learned at a very young age how to incorporate Braden, I will love these Wadsworth kids for always being there for him.

Pool parties with friends, endless summertime days. Lots of candy and good times~

Water gun play…refilling the guns.

More pool parties…always a pool full of kids. As you can see Braden was independent with his friends. I was always close, someone had eyes on him at all times. The kids knew his fears and weaknesses but always made him feel safe.

Its one of those things that if we didn’t take charge and taught some of his friends how to include Braden in play…then how would they know?

We eventually bought Braden a power wheels jeep, this provided him with some mobility while outside.

Braden and baby Kayla at the park, just babies.

All the kids loved getting rides in that jeep. They became very creative, and attached wagon’s and buggy’s too it. I remember at times Paul would load that jeep into our van before leaving for work in the morning because I was having a play date at the park that morning with friends. I had great people in my life who would help me take the jeep out of the van, and then load it back up when we were leaving. He didn’t have to miss out on much, if the playground was paved he would have a blast.

Eventually we started bringing toys to the park, we loaded up our van with water guns, plastic toys, toy guns, racquets, balls, chalk, bubbles, action figures.  Pretty much anything we could draw the neighbourhood and park kids in too play with Braden. It was a lot of work, but when those kids saw our wagon coming filled with toys. They’d come running. Genius.

Then we put in a in ground pool. That was another good idea.

We had countless pool parties, school year end parties, special engagement parties and just “lets get together” parties.

We also put in a hot tub, in the winter time it was wonderful. Braden could have friends over and they could spend time outside in the hot tub together.

Having all the kids come to our house worked great. It was ALOT of work, and we were exhausted parents. But we did it. He did not miss out on anything. Paul and my brother built a creative in the back yard as well. It was an all wooden structure that  had stairs that were laid out perfectly for Braden so he could do them himself. It was amazing.

On top of the creative, he could crawl around the whole thing by himself. I had to stay close but at least he was independent with friends. There was nothing sweeter than hearing him laughing with his buddies, you never knew what he was up too.

All his friends could run around, but if he played his cards right he could always control the play. He learned very young how to keep those kids interested and intrigued with playtime at our house. Even in the pool they knew exactly how to keep Braden integrated.

During a school play, he was a part of everything. The kids made sure of it.

For all the negatives we always had ten positives. I truly have not much to complain about. The people in our lives were wonderful. The kids who played and entertained Braden through his childhood were honestly a god send. That included our neighbourhood kids as well. We had the best set up here on Wadsworth Cres.

The purpose of this blog post is too let people know, that our communities are not set up for children in wheelchairs. We have a long way to go, so many changes need to be made. My advice to you, if you are a parent reading this post and you are at a park and see a child in a wheelchair. Please make an effort to bring your child over to them. Ask them if they’d like to play. Ask the parent or guardian what can we do to make it easier for their child too join in.

Having the time today too go through all these memories, I look back and wonder how we did it. My hopes would be too inspire you to make a difference.

Well my lovelies, I hope you are all doing well. Until next time good night and god bless~

You may be thinking this post is going to be about some “Sunday afternoon delight”, you know the kind we all dream of when we are young! But times have changed my friends and afternoon delights no longer mean long wonderful romps between the sheets…now its all about strawberry shortcakes and homemade whip cream 🙂

I make dessert every Sunday, whether we have company or not. It’s our time to treat ourselves, and I truly love trying new recipes. Unfortunately Kailey doesn’t like cream cheese, so I’m limited to my choices of desserts. Well, i do think I’m going to start to try some of these amazing looking cheesecake recipes and just stopping at Tim Hortons and picking up my picky princess a donut. Cause I’m getting tired of the old chocolate cake and pie.

This past Sunday I found a recipe on Pinterest, it certainly isn’t anything new but it was a different spin on Strawberry Shortcake.

I bought some wonderful looking donuts and Cronut’s from Zehrs bakery and used those instead of the usual pound cake. Check out the pictures below~

Whipping cream and icing sugar with a teaspoon of vanilla~

Ollie got to like the whisk, it use to be the kids…..oh how my life has changed 🙂

Cronut~

Slice the donut in half, top with some strawberries. I also used some blueberries and raspberries. You could totally make this your own and do whatever you want.

Add your cool whip and serve! I should have had some chocolate sauce and some ice cream to top this off. It was delicious and we will definitely do this again~

Well my friends..this is it! Hope you try it out sometime.

Until next time lovelies good day and god bless~

I failed. I didn’t blog this whole week, I failed. I was just too busy on the weekend and I couldn’t pull it off. I feel like a loser.

I DO want to share with you something I did this weekend.  Braden has a private physiotherapist who visits our home to work with Braden 3 times a week. His name is Radha and he owns Physioworks. Anyways this past Christmas I hosted a dinner for all the people who work for Braden and their families. Typically we go out to dinner with his workers but this year I wanted to invite their families. There is a couple more faces added to the list too, so its easier to have this event at home. Braden had it catered, so that took the load off of me. I could focus on the things that really matter to me, the entertaining.

We invited Radha and his beautiful family, his wife Latha, and his two children Ricky and Rona. I instantly formed a lovely friendship with his wife.

They bought and built a new home recently and this past weekend hosted a “traditional Blessing” of their home. House Blessing and house healings are rites intended to protect the inhabitants of a house from misfortune. In Hinduism is conducted always before the people move in. The blessing is performed by a Hindu priest.

I was honoured to have been invited. Radha felt terrible as his home is not accessible, so Braden unfortunately could not come. As it turns out anyways Braden had hockey that day and wouldn’t have been able to make it regardless.

I was relieved that Braden had hockey to tell you the truth, It breaks my heart every single time he can’t go to a function because it isn’t accessible. He unfortunately misses out on a lot of things in his life due to accessiblity, I did my best through the years hosting parties at my home so he could be a part of them. As I get older, I am getting tired. I think people forget that I have a heart condition and other health conditions related to scoliosis. It’s a lot harder for me to host parties, we do rely on others to step up and accomadate. In this situation however it would have been unavoidable. Thank god for hockey~

Anyways, my mom came with me to Radha and Latha’s open house. Paul was with Braden and Kailey had to work.

I ended up getting Latha a gorgeous cutting board from my favourite instagram store “Storyboards.” I had it ingraved with their last name and est. 2018. I know she will love it.

When we got their I was taken back a bit because the whole family and much of the guest were wearing their custom clothing. They were beautiful, the women, men and children. I believe their traditonal women’s clothing is called Saris and is worn with Choli tops, a long skirt called a legendary or Pravda worn with choli and a dupatta scarf to create an ensemble called a gagra choli. The children wear pattu Langa.  Radha was wearing traditional Indian ceremony clothing as well, white sarong and a  shirt. The whole family is beautiful. When we walked in, they were just about to start their “home blessing” in their Hindu culture and religion. There was a minister there performing a prayer, we learned that it is in their culture to pray and offer fruits and flowers to their god. It was amazing.

Here they are sitting on the floor in front of their ceremony Praying post. (I don’t know how to explain it) Picutre below~

The family was offering fruit and flowers to their god. It was such a wonderful experience for my mom and I. They welcomed us with open arms, made us feel so welcome. Friendly, kind and Canadian. It was lovely~

After the ceremony we had lunch, what a spread it was.  It was authentic Indian food, and boy were we spoiled. There was 25 families invited, and around 80 people who came through that afternoon.

My mom and I left that day feeling so relaxed and calm. The whole event touched us deeply, it is something we will always remember.

I hope you can forgive my lack of blogging the last couple days, I hope this post can make up for it 🙂

So, Until next time good night and god bless~

I graduated in 2008, after 2 years of a complete overhaul in my life I had achieved something I would never have dreamed of. I dedicated 2 full years to early morning classes, 12 hour shift placements, projects, homework assignments and group work projects. My whole family supported my desire to see this through.

When I first decided to go to school to become a nurse, there were many reasons why. As a 30 something year old woman, I needed a change. I just wanted something other than being a mom to define who I was.

Its a scary world when you are a woman who gives up her identity to be home to care for her children. I no longer had a job, I didn’t have an income that registered as a career and I was loosing my identity as a woman. I was lost. To be completely honest I was scared. I didn’t know who I was, I had started out as an Early Childhood Educator in life but due to unforeseen circumstances that all changed.

My kids had come to a certain age where I wasn’t needed as much, both were in school full time and had active healthy lifestyles. I was so proud of that. But I was lost.

There are some things I want to leave private about my life, somethings are meant for Paul and I. But I will say we were working very hard at saving our marriage, we both needed to do some work on ourselves before we could come back together in a healthy way.

So that’s exactly what I did. I think the main reason I chose nursing was because I was already practically a nurse in my every day living. All the things I did at home were skills that I could bring forward into a nursing career. I had worked along side many nurses, doctors, surgeons, specialists and therapists for years…why not get paid for it.

I also knew as Braden grew his needs would change, and so would his condition. I needed to be educated so that I could make sure his needs would be met. I wanted to become the best possible advocate I could be.

Nursing it was, looking back today I think I should have went into Social Work. Doing what I do today with work I have a higher tolerance for counselling than nursing.

Don’t get me wrong, while I was working I absolutely loved helping others. I am a nurturer by heart and being able to assist someone to reach their highest level of health was my desire. I loved seeing patients recover and go home.

Those were the good days.

However that was not always the case, you see sometimes they didn’t recover and that my friends eventually tore me up.

As you know, I have PTSD. I was diagnosed years ago with anger issues. I didn’t have the coping skills back in the day to deal with the stress and anxiety of my “new” life. So I sought treatment through psychology services and managed to stabilize myself for quite a few years. Honestly I didn’t have time to take care of many issues arising in my mind so I ignored them and powered through about 10 years. We were a busy family, and although the PTSD lingered I was always so grateful for the fact that we were all still here and moving forward as a family. We were too busy having fun. Always doing things together, trips, parties, camping, boating, swimming, weekend get always…we had so much to celebrate, we always made the best of it. But the PTSD was always there.

Eventually all the years of having a hidden monster residing in my mind, heart and soul it took a toll. Instead of reaching out for more Psychological counselling, I decided to go back to school. I wanted to change a piece of who I was. I will never ever regret that choice, because it got me through a very difficult time in my life.

I know people may think I went back to school to get a job, to work in a hospital, and to have a successful career. The truth was, I did it for me. NOT for the work.

I had to prove to myself that I had it in me. That I was strong. If I ever found myself on my own as a woman I could take care of myself.

SO don’t get me wrong. I did work for 2 years after my schooling. I worked at a hospital in the float pool and I did like it. My favorite place was Post partum and delivery. All those new babies and mom’s. Working with happy families, seeing the love and admiration for their new bundle of joy was something I loved. But the PTSD lingered. Eventually thoughts returned, I would look at that new mom with her beautiful baby but something inside me was sad. I struggled knowing that I too was happy and so in love with my new bundle, but only a short 15 months after that moment in my life everything dramatically changed. When you suffer from PTSD flashbacks, thoughts, fears and anxieties are things that you can not control. I powered through for as long as I could. I felt weak, I didn’t feel like I could talk to anyone. I also didn’t feel like I had the right to feel the way I did. Let it go…why are you still “focusing” on that time in your life. I didn’t understand the significance of what I was going through and how it was going to forever be a part of my life.

I was good at my job. I was always getting compliments on my work and families seemed to enjoy having me as a nurse.

Typically I wouldn’t make a dessert like this until the fall. Autumn to me would host the best of pecan and butter tarts. The crisp toasted pecans are perfect for the fall harvest season. For me however, pecan tarts are my all time favorite thing in the world. So I will make them any time of the year.

Anyways I wanted to share this idea with you, I absolutely love desserts in jars. I think they make great gifts for others as well. This dessert can be frozen and can last up to 6 months in the freezer.

Ingrediants~

 

• 2 cups pecan halves, coarsely broken
• 1 cup sugar
• ¾ cup light corn syrup
• ¾ cup dark corn syrup
• 4 eggs
• ¼ cup butter
• 1½ teaspoons vanilla
• pinch salt
• 2 refrigerated 9 inch pie crust dough

 

Preheat oven to 350°. Spread pecans on a cookie sheet and bake for 6 minutes to toast them. Set aside and let cool while you prepare the filling.

In saucepan boil sugar and corn syrups together for 2 minutes; set aside to cool slightly

In large bowl beat eggs lightly and very slowly pour the syrup mixture into the eggs, stirring constantly so they don’t scramble.

Stir in butter, vanilla, and salt.

Spray all jars with non-stick cooking spray. Fill jars with pieces of dough half of the way up the jar and press down to fill the bottom and ⅓ of the way up the sides. Fill the bottom with a good layer of pecans and then pour filling to just below the lip.

Place the jars on a baking sheet and bake in the preheated oven for 40 minutes until done. Check at 25 minutes and cover top with aluminum foil if it is getting too dark on top. Let cool for several hours before serving. Serve with sweetened whip cream or vanilla ice cream if desired.

Tie with twine to make them extra special!

I would love to receive something like this as a gift. There’s nothing like a homemade treat from a loved one.

Well my lovelies, until tomorrow good night and god bless~

I’m not too sure if i’ve shared this information on here or not but we recently decided to put our cottage on Airbnb. I can’t express how excited we are about it!! This is our seventh summer at The Point, and as much as we love it we are ready for a change. We don’t want to sell it, that would be a harsh decision right now. We still love our little place in Turkey Point, we love to get away occasionally and spend a weekend when we feel like. To be honest, we are really wanting to start some travelling. We’ve been fortunate to have visited many carribean destinations…some places we’ve been to three times, and we’ve toured Europe…me twice, and this June we are off on another adventure to celebrate our 25 wedding anniversary. As we near closer to retirement travelling has become so much more of a thing.

We have already booked 4 clients, and its only April. It’s going to be busy once the nicer weather starts coming around. Anyways, I began researching how to become a successful Airbnb host. My daughter has used them before, and a few friends so I chatted with them and got some pretty good ideas.

First off, I need welcome gift. So last week when Kailey and I were staying at the cottage we went around to all the wineries and breweries in the area and picked up information and checked out some of their homemade snacks. What would someone want once they arrive at their destination? Food!!

I decided we’d go with a nice local food gift, maybe some homemade peanuts and beer nuts, jam’s, jelly’s, chips, baked goods and of course wine~ Obviously I’m going to leave a bottle of wine from our local winery.  We also collected a whole bunch of pamphlets on things people can do while staying at our cottage. I bought a big cork board for the kitchen, I can post all the information right there so everyone can see it.

When our guests arrive, we will have a nice little welcome gift basket with a card for them. I’d like to leave a bit of information hand written, with our cell numbers and emergency contact info. I also wanted to make this card personal so I had a stamp made that says Welcome to “Martz Cottage” Enjoy~

It’s so cute, and I designed it!!

The actual stamp is inside this little bag but the print is right there, its so cute~

I also put together a little bucket of supplies that if any of our guests have forgotten they are welcome to use.

I want to leave a sign out like the one below, hopefully its clear enough and we don’t have problems with renters making pigs of themselves and taking all of it lol

So cute~

So as you can see I am having a lot of fun with this new business adventure, I want to make this successful so we can continue to do it for a few years. I’m not sure what the long term plan is but for now, we’d love to make some money on it while it sits there unused. We still don’t know if we will end up there full time retired folks, but at least the option is still there 🙂

I will keep you posted, i’m Excited to be a Airbnb host.

Cheers to new adventures~

Until tomorrow good night and god bless~

 

Yesterday we had a little celebration for Kailey, she completed year 3 for her University Bachelor Degree in Microbiology and Genetics~

 

At the end of each year we have been celebrating her accomplishments with dinner and Ice Cream Cake. Most of you know I love a good reason to “blow a horn” or “kick up our heels”. I’m not going to minimize all Kailey’s hard work and dedication. She worked hard so that alone is reason to come together as a family and celebrate and thats just what we did.

Last night my parents came over, we had a lovely dinner and Ice cream cake. It was the first gathering we’ve had in a long time where Kailey didn’t have to run off after she ate to do school work. She stayed the whole time and enjoyed her family, as we enjoyed her!

There are not enough words to describe how proud we are as a family. She is the hardest working girl I know. This young lady not only goes to school full time, but she has a part time job and volunteers in two places. That my friends is one dedicated hard working young lady. Her volunteer position at the Guelph hospital was in the CT Department, she took 3 hours of her time each Monday to commit to serving at the Guelph Hospital. Helping people during a very nervous (for most) time. She comforted the elderly, chatted with the young and encouraged the middle aged. Many times offering a hand for reassurance.

Her postition at The Guelph University is in a Cardiovascular Lab. She has had training with small animal handling.  Working with the rats and mice in this lab she is responsilbe for cages and assessment of each animal. Kailey has been subjected to surgeries as well as world renowned professors and doctors. Giving up her time weekly for 4-5 hours. I don’t think she even understands the significance of this opportunity. She has mingled socially as well as beside  some pretty amazing people. I had hoped it would shape her into working within the Cardiology realm. I don’t think it’s going to happen 😦

While managing these volunteer positions she also maintained amazing grades. We are so proud of her. I don’t want to say too much here, as I want to respect her privacy and confidentiality. But I will say, her marks are fabulous. Each assignment came back perfect and if not, its pretty darn close.

She did let me share a couple of these assignments, mostly cause I begged and she knows how damn proud we are of her! She is so smart our fox~

I mean look at these marks, check out all those fancy words lol…i’m So proud of her!!

She’s perfect~

Look at this assignment,

I almost cried when I saw this report..look how cute her little acknowledgements is…so official, so professional..lol..god I love her!

Disclaimer*** She totally allowed me to share this information with you, she is always a good sport so her mom can document life. But with that said, if you tease her or make fun of her for this…I will find you…and I will slit your throat…ok pumpkins :)**

NO seriously, she’s super private and doesn’t like to be made a fuss over, this is all me!! And I want to thank her for letting me do this~

I am one of those mom’s who celebrates everything, I always have been and I always will. Being able to make the time to come together as a family has always been one of the most important things in my life.

I will tell you why~

Sadly I have lived through moments of uncertainty, times when I wasn’t sure if I could ever celebrate anything in my life again. We were threatened too many times with Braden’s life, too many moments of despair and fear. Our family has seen ALOT of suffering, not just my accident trauma but my dad’s cancer, my brothers battles, my heart and health….

I will continue to bring smiles to my family, I will never stop celebrating them. I am blessed…and I won’t stop sharing that~

Be happy friends, its a choice. Celebrate the good its what makes life so sweet~

Until next time my friends good night and god bless~

 

Here I am again having to challenge myself to daily blogging.  So I will commit to everyday this week, and here’s hoping I stick to that. I always have good intentions and I keep track of all the things I am doing in my life. It’s just finding the time to write it out and share it.

This week I will share some of the things that have gone on here, and some of the things that I am excited about.

Today i will share our Easter. I hope you all had a great Easter holiday. We did.

It was quieter this year as my aunt and cousin were sick and couldn’t join us. We still had my nephew and brother, as well as my family and my parents. It ended up being a really nice day.

Good Friday~

We started out the day with some homemade waffles and morning Mimosa’s. A few years ago Kailey had asked if we could start a tradition of having crepes on Easter morning. I thought it was a great idea, but over the last few years found it too be really busy making breakfast and then dinner on Easter Sunday. This year we switched it too Good Friday breakfast. That worked out much better and was so much more enjoyable. I also switched from crepes to waffles because I have a waffle maker and it was just easier. 🙂 I tried a new Mimosa recipe. I will share it below.

 

Hawaiian Mimosa’s

This is a very easy recipe that I found on Pinterest, it only takes 3 ingredients~

Pineapple juice/Pineapple slices and I also included orange slices.

Champage or Prosecco

Coconut rum

I also added some orange juice. This recipe calls for equal parts but I have found its best to add the juices and then mix the alcohol to taste. Because this was served with breakfast I didn’t make it too strong….i know..boring! 😉

We had plans to pick up my nephew on the Saturday night. He came to spend the night. So we invited nana and papa over to dye eggs. Everyone in the family got in on that. We had snacks, drinks and eggs~

Nummy Nummies on my cutting board. Just a few sweets to curve the cravings~

Kailey had to work that evening, so the minute she got in the door her robe goes on. Here we are starting our creative achievements. Kailey, nana, Paul and Braden. They were such good sports.

Ethan and Papa were really into it. We used stickers and crayons, so many creative minds around the table that night lol

Little nacho dip for the win, you gotta have Nacho dip and sweets at any family gathering.

Here we are, still dying eggs!

The final product here, it was a nice evening. Family bonding is important. We had a nice visit with Ethan as well, I was glad he could come and spend the night here.

That Saturday I also made an Easter cake. I did make this one last year, but decided to do it again only because I was busy with work and didn’t have time to look at something different. Anyways its so easy, you bake 2 chocolate cakes, and buy 3 chocolate icing containers. It took about 10 packages of KitKat chocolate bars to get around the whole cake.  Once the cakes are baked, let them cool. Layer them with a dollop of icing in between the two layers. Then you continue on around the outside of the cake with all the rest of the icing.  I actually put the iced cake in the fridge for a few minutes just to stop the icing from becoming too warm that the kitkats will slide off the side.

Break apart the KitKat bars, and place around the outside of the cake. Once it comes together it looks like a barrel. SO CUTE~ **on a side note, my cake pictures are really crappy because I snap shot them from a video. This website wouldn’t let me upload my video 😦

White fondant prep. We are wanting to make a bunny bum!

The end (no pun intended) is to result with a very curious bunny trying to get inside this delicious cake. Only his little cute bum, tail and hind legs are outside of the cake.

Preparing the bum to attach the tail…I coated the tail with some white sugar crystals.

Take some fondant and add red food coloring. Mix together to make the pads of the bunny feet! Cute right? Probably my favourite part of the cake 🙂

Oh my goodness look at that bum!!!

I didn’t get a picture of placing the bunny bum on the cake but you can choose wherever you want it. Then you add your Easter M&M’s, preferably the pastel colours.

Terrible picture but there you have it!!! The bunny in a barrel Easter cake~ One of my fav’s ❤

Easter Sunday Arrived, the Easter bunny did too. He brought tickets to see Kevin Hart in concert as a family!! So excited for that, and Ethan got a Tim Horton gift card for his lunch dates with friends at school. Let’s not forget about the chocolate, just enough was left behind for everyone.

Later that day we had dinner and once again it was amazing. I also made this drink below, recipe below..I was actually not too fond of this one. I think I added too much Lemoncillo. So if you decide to make this one which I would recommend, just add the Lemoncello last and add to taste.

Raspberry Limoncello Prosecco~

1 cup of frozen raspberries

1 cup of Limoncello (I wouldn’t add this much, maybe 1/2 cup to taste)

3 cups of Prosecco

Mint leaves

Serve with ice and enjoy~

Family dinner~

After dinner we were full, but enjoying eachother’s company around the table. So we pulled out the funniest game ever..”Fun Employed”. It is such a good game for a group of family or friends just chilling together. There is no pieces or plays you need to think about it is strictly an Improve game. I would recommend it to anyone~

So that’s it friends, a lot of stuff! It was a wonderful Easter spent with my family. Missing my Aunt and cousin but we’ll see them soon~

Until tomorrow (because I have committed) good day and god bless~