As many of you know my job requires that I “council” or emotionally and mentally support others living through trauma or tragedy. Sometimes this can be a challenge. I am learning very quickly how different each one of us can be. What might work for me, may not work for others. Honestly, it can get very tricky trying to find all the right words of wisdom when dealing with certain people.
I have not come across anyone who I haven’t gotten along with, every single client I have had so far we have bonded into a well respected relationship. Having lived this well travelled road of Spinal Cord Injury recovery, life has taught me many un-desired skills some of which could never have been predicted. To some of my newer clients having recently been introduced to this world may not see my advice as clearly or maybe even comprehendible. It’s hard at times, to look at them and say, “Please, just trust me with this”. Especially when it goes against their own morals and idea’s of faith and religion~

One of the first lessons I learned when parenting a young man with a Spinal Cord Injury, in which this was probably the longest taking lesson to learn was he is an individual human being. He is not attached to me, and will have his own ideas of what his life will look like for him.
This goes back to the very beginning. The day we give birth to our brand new, perfect bundle of sweetness. We consume our thoughts with everything wonderful, he will play hockey, he’s going to be kind, well respected and go to church every Sunday. He is going to be a top honor student, have a girl friend, marry his high school sweetheart, succeed in his career an have 2 beautiful children. Life couldn’t possibly be any better. This is possibly the closest to my set of dreams for my son. When your child reaches about the age of sixteen they begin to develop a sense of lets say “freedom and independence.”
They begin to drive, start part time jobs, hang out with friends, girlfriends, parties and planning takes place for future education. The one thing you as parents may not see or witness are things that also begin to change the future of our young men. They become individuals, with likes and dislikes different from your own. They reach out for sexual relationships exploring the world of sexual maturity, all of which is a normal transition into young adulthood. They may seek out new religious groups possibly different from yours. Maybe they don’t feel the need to achieve high marks and want to take up guitar lessons and join a band. Futures are theirs, realistically all we can do is give them all the resources they need to start on their own life journey. Its up to them to find their way, we have no control over that. We can support and educate and hope they find their own way to their definition of happiness.
Accepting that is one of the hardest lesson’s for a parent. Trust me when I say, it took me a very long time to understand this. None of what my son was choosing as some times in his life was what I had potentially had planned for him. Nor was it things I had agreed with. NOW don’t get me wrong my friends everything he was doing was exactly the same sh*t his father and I as well as all our friends were doing at his age. lol
So, being fair to Braden I have to go on to say he has always been a very level headed young man. He finished highshcool, went on too College, continued on with physical therapy, maintained friendships, volunteered with peer supports through SCI association. He was even a member of the City of Cambridge teen council bringing information and accessibility to teens in our community. He was certainly not lacking in future goals, and I was never ever concerned of his life path. There was only one time in which we were worried about his mental health, and as parents we took the appropriate action and by the grace of god he followed through on his own to gain the tools needed to help him through that time.
So lets go back~
I have been meeting with a mom who has a son with C4 Spinal Cord Injury, he is 2.5 years post injury. He is 25 Years old, graduated highschool and was pursuing a decent career. He had many friends and was part of club that provided him with friendships based on the same interests. (Keeping this information very general inorder to protect their identity). They are a happy family with other children, all grown. This is still all so new to them and they have a very positive outlook on this change of course for his life. This mom finds her son to be “her rock” and “her reason for getting up every morning.” He has been keeping her strong, and she is very proud of his positive outlook and personality.
She was very pleased to tell me about their set up at home for him. He has his own “apartment” downstairs. He seems pretty happy with his independence and own space but still is content to have his parents under the same roof. I had then asked her about a separate entrance for his friends or girlfriend?. She said at this time no, there is no separate entrance but will certainly look into that for the future.
She had asked me a bit about Braden’s .weekend routine. We eventually realize that our once carefree weekends turn into attendant care hours. The injury doesn’t disappear on Saturdays just because we deserve a much needed break. This my friends I think is the one thing that most families struggle with. It tends to be a common concern when discussing life after a Spinal Cord Injury. If your child/spouse or friend cannot do a transfer independently then how do they go to bed on a weekend without you having to stay up until they are ready? It doesn’t matter that you are tired or you had a long week, not feeling well or want to just go to bed early. You have to be available, and that can take a toll on anyone.
I shared our ways with her, and some of the things we do on weekends. I told her to teach his friends how to put him into bed or hire privately. She wasn’t comfortable with the idea of friends putting him to bed, but I made it clear that its up too her son and his buddies to figure that out. She really doesn’t need to be concerned. We as mom’s and caregivers tend to take on a lot of what their concerns would be. Things that really are out of our control. That’s the part of being a mom, we want everything to be perfect for them…no struggles~ So instead of just trusting that his friends can get him to bed safely we stay up until 2am just too see them tucked in.
She seemed a bit cool about that, I could tell she wasn’t sure. I had said, well if his friends come over and play video games and have a couple drinks they shouldn’t be going anywhere. I had suggested they have some place for friends to sleep for the night if drinking occurs.
Once Braden turned the age where he and his friends were starting to drink I found it very difficult to be available to him. It was actually Braden who told me too leave him alone, and too stop worrying. He said if his friends put him to bed when he is drinking, if he makes it in the bed without incident then its a good night. But if by chance they are just too intoxicated and he ends up on the floor…then that’s his choice.
This is an example of things that had to be tolerated when every thing in my soul was screaming NO! The reason is simple.
Like I had mentioned up above, when our kids become a certain age they seek out new adventure and in most cases this includes drinking, partying and having a good time. Most parents don’t have to witness this behaviour, its easy for them. If we don’t see it…it isn’t happening. YA RIGHT!
Don’t you think for one moment if you have a teenage son or daughter they are not at least experimenting with alcohol. Look at the course of history, it is something every single generation has done since the beginning of time. Most of us do it, and then become parents and expect our own children not too..lol

So this is where the problem lies for parents like myself and Paul as well as my new found friends.
We have to see it….its that simple. Sadly, our young adult children are not capable of going off to someone else’s home when the parents aren’t there to drink and party. In most cases their friends homes are not modified or accessible for wheelchairs. This either leaves your son or daughter out in the cold, stuck at home every single Friday/Saturday night. Over the course of time my friends this will cause some serious mental health problems for your child.
My point, it is a natural progression for children to seek out companionship in core group activities who share in the same interests. Its only normal for young adults to want to be with friends and have a good time. Not only is it normal but its also necessary and healthy.
I remember working with a very seasoned psychologist when we were dealing with this issue. For my new client this was something she couldn’t fathom., she just wasn’t able to conceive the notion that her son could be entertaining his friends socially in his new apartment. Even though it was his space she just couldn’t comprehend her son having some drinks in her home.
As parents we forget they are just being normal, happy 25 year old men. The one thing that is very difficult for parents to accept is that even though we may not condone this behaviour in our homes, they have the right to make their own choices. Even if its in your home, because unlike all the other guys who can get to other people’s homes or even clubs the person in the wheelchair may not have access. It may not be an option.

When we were choosing to look the other way when Braden was under age drinking with friends, the psychologist we were working with reassured us it was going to be ok. He made it very clear that it is something we have to be fair about. If Braden was able bodied he would have found a way to get out with his buddies to have some beers and party. It is a natural progression of growth and maturity.
Blindly going into this we did our best under the circumstances. We allowed his friends in our home on some weekends, they respected our quiet policy the best they could lol. They were always appreciative of Paul and I, and we rarely ever had any problems. They were definitely a good group of kids. I suppose really I should have been thankful they were in my home, at least they were safe, we knew where they were and technically we had control over the situation. Honestly, it was a very trying time for us. We had to give up a lot of our home, space and time to accommodate Braden during those years. Looking back now, I wish I would have known that it wasn’t going to last too long. The phase passed, he did start going out with friends and taxied home. Usually a friend would spend the night and put him into bed. Today he is a well rounded, social, happy young man who managed to experience just as much as the average able bodied person.
It was a sacrifice for Paul and I, it went against everything we believed in as parents. But now we are through that time and happily on the other side and I know we made the right decisions regarding the drinking, friends and partying. If we would have sheltered him, kept him from those experiences I can guarantee you this…he would have been a very angry, bitter depressed young man with absolutely no social skills.

Balance is the key to growing up healthy, in every single aspect.
What this mother has to recognize now that her son is living in her home, is that he is an individual and before his accident he was more than likely enjoying his life like every other 23 year old man. If she starts to judge him, or try to take away those freedoms he will become angry. Even though she may not agree with it, it is still his life. Very difficult to understand when you are a full time caregiver.
When we touched on the topic of girlfriends, she stated “we haven’t had to deal with that”. This led me too believe he probably kept most of his female relations outside of the home. This mom would have not given it a second thought as too where her son was spending time with his girlfriend. Certainly they would have had their way’s to be together, they are healthy active young adults. Guaranteed they would have had a routine set up to have “quality” time together. This is something parents of “able-bodied” don’t ever have to consider. Once again my friend if you have a breathing, happy, well-adjusted teenager who has a significant other you bet your sweet ass they are exploring one another.

I asked this mom if she has given any thought to a girlfriend spending the night with him. She responded with “no”, I then explained our first experience with a girlfriend spending the night. How it was seriously one of most terrifying parenting moments of my life. Paul and I had to once again keep our noses out of his business. Well, I mean we did have some rules in the house. Some of which were broken by one of his girl friends.
All I could think of was how this young man was probably wondering exactly how and when he was going to have another night spent beside a young lady.
Let’s be honest here, most young men and woman are sexually active. Now if you do have a child who does not want to have sex before marriage then that is great for you. However sex is not just intercourse, and every single young person is wanting some form of comfort and human connection. Just because this young man is now a quadriplegic, doesn’t mean he isn’t craving connections from the opposite sex.

I told his mom exactly how trying it was to know that a girlfriend was spending the night, and how we had to “look away”. I understand if you are having trouble envisioning this, I mean it wasn’t easy for us either. Once again we found ourselves justifying a behaviour we didn’t necessarily believe in. We also had a younger teenage daughter in the home who was witness to the flexibility of rules. Communication was the most important coping mechanism available to our family.
I’m not sure how things would be different in our home if Braden wouldn’t have been paralyzed. In my home growing up my dad was very strict, there was no way in hell I would ever had been allowed to have Paul sleep over in my bed. But…..nothing stopped me from going over to his house and sleeping in his bed. Now to be honest, I’m not sure I would have been completely comfortable sleeping in my childhood bedroom with Paul when I was 18 years old. So it probably wouldn’t have been an issue for my parents anyways, I was just that kind of girl.

Going back to my conversation with the other mom, sometimes I feel my job also entitles education. If you think of the natural progression of human development then in most cases teenagers will be developing into sexual beings. Most parents just don’t have to see it, like stated above if they want to have sex then they will find a place and time to do just that. But when you have a young man/woman with a Spinal Cord Injury or anyone using mobility devises like a wheelchair, then that makes it 100 times harder to get out of the house and into a place where sex can be hidden and secret. In most cases that’s not going to happen, so that leaves you with a very unhappy, depressed and sexually stonewalled young adult. Seriously, something so normal and needed in life is taken away along with the ability to walk, run, dance and move freely without the use of aids.
We worried about that. What would that do to him psychologically, emotionally and mentally. He is a young man, just because he can’t walk doesn’t mean he won’t have needs.
With lots of advice and guidance we once again found ourselves turning a blind eye. Reminding ourselves its his life, his choices and his relationships. We have no say in any of that. Uncomfortable conversations were had, things discussed that you would never imagine discussing with your 18 year old son. This was OUR normal, it might not be the same as your family dynamics but its ours. The most important thing in the world to Paul and I is our children’s happiness. We had to learn to take our morals and beliefs and put them aside inorder for our son to find his own way. Of course we gave him all the information, and we did raise him to be a respectful young man. He never once dishonored our “new” rules, he never disobeyed our boundaries. Even though we were allowing somethings to take place in our home, its still our home.
When I was speaking to this mom about the prospect of her son having female visitor’s her response was “Oh my husband is strict Catholic, he won’t tolerate any of that”, “This is our home, he won’t disrespect us like that.” In her defence she has no idea just yet what life is going to hit her with in the very near future. Paul and I have been living this life a very long time, and we have acquired much knowledge throughout the years.
You see when recovering from a trauma, it takes quite some time to become accustomed to this new world. You meet so many wonderful people, transitions are made, therapists become family, homes are renovated, doctor appointments become weekly visits, health teaching is daily and you are in a whirlwind of busyness. What you don’t see coming is the quiet. When it all disappears~
Eventually, you settle into your new normal, people go back to work, therapists visit less, doctor appointments are needed less and then you are hit with reality. So once the reality sets in for this young man and he realizes his friends are working, going to school, getting married and having children. Moving past and moving on in life, he’s going to figure out pretty quickly “what’s my next move”. Where are my relationships with friends, he is going to miss flirting, dates and sex. If her son can’t leave the house to find another accessible bedroom, or someone to help him make a transfer into “her” bed….how the hell is he going to grow and become an independent sexual man?
I understand this is not something is capable of thinking about. All the things discussed above are pretty difficult too apprehend as a parent. In the beginning, for me my own desire was too provide my son with “the best quality of life.” This is something that I vowed to forever make possible for Braden. That included sacrifice, something these parents were about to get a crash course in.

We can encourage our children to make good choices, we can influence them to be spiritual or religious followers and we can certainly ignite passion for positive living. But at the end of the day, the roads they choose, the morals they develop and what they want to hold close to their own hearts is their choice.
Even though we shed some tears over those teenage years, moments of uncertainty. Wondering all along if we were making the right parenting choices I have to say we ended up doing a pretty damn good job. Today I can say we are sitting on the other side and I am very content with how things turned out. Braden did not suffer from any lack of experience, we did not hinder his growth and maturity by ramming our morals and beliefs down his throat. We allowed him to find his own path, he made his own mistakes and he learned from them. That is exactly how life works, just because he cannot walk doesn’t mean he shouldn’t have the same experiences other young men are having.
I will continue to work with this mom, I do understand her hesitance. It is not easy turning your back on things that you once found morally unacceptable. I have to say it was one of the hardest parenting problems we faced.
Although it may have been a challenge, we always managed to maintain harmony in this house. Respect for all parties was the most important, communication was also high on priority. We can let our adult children build themselves, they need the freedom to do so. Whether they are able bodied or not, even when they are reliant on you the most precious gift you can give them is independence.
Well my lovelies, Until next time good night and god bless~

As we move forward with these reno’s, I am realizing that my old home and wall decor isn’t going to work anymore. There is two walls that I feel make good accent walls. The one in my dining room I think I have decided to try some “brick” wallpaper in. Now, this isn’t something that I normally would try. If I could have the real brick look then thats what I would want. Unfortunately that isn’t going to happen. It would be too much work and a whole lotta money. We are already pretty much over our house Reno budget.

We painted our main floor all the same colour. I went with “Classic Gray”, by Benjamin Moore. It’s a gorgeous colour and it is very light. It is almost a white color, too just look at it most would see white. It has taken some time to get use to, but the longer I live in it the more I love it.

With that said, we need to add some sparkle and shine. ‘This is the part that has me flustered. How do I want to dress my home? That takes a lot of thinking. Dig deep, really think about who we are and what is important in our lives. I can name 3 things off the top of my head, dogs, travel and family~ How do I encorporate those things into our home.

Let me share some ideas with you~

Ok see the wall there, the one with the slanted ceiling? That wall is in my dining room and it is one that I feel would make a nice accent wall. I use to have a long table up against that wall as well. I would decorate it during holidays, or just have candles there. I could keep my wine glasses and serving trays there. It was handy, but it took up room. The goal for my living room/dining room is too move forward with more room for seating. I haven’t been able to have much furniture over the years and our living room chairs and sofa’s have been minimal. FIniding comfortable spots for visitors has always been a challenge here. We have always needed room for Braden to maneuver his wheelchair around comfortably. Anyways with him having his own living quarters, I will have my own space to create comfort and convienient seating.

I thought about dressing that wall with a collage of family photos. Keep it simple yet elegant, but the longer I sit and look at that wall the more I feel it needs something.

I started investigating Brick wallpaper. It has taken me a very long time to decided whether or not its something I should do. I don’t want it to look cheap. It is a huge fear of mine. It is going to cost a lot of money, and it’s going to take a lot of time. So if we do it, its going to have to stay.

After many nights of searching, a few days living with samples and a handful of peoples opinions I have made a decision and we have decided on this…

Thoughts? I love it, and everyone who sees it quite likes it. We haven’t had wallpaper in this house in YEARS, but i have heard its making a comeback. There is also so much I can do with this paper. I did think about doing Shiplap but my dining room table is a farm board table, so I didn’t want to take away from the table. I really do like to mix styles while decorating as well. I love the look of a nice ol’ county table with a gorgeous crystal chandelier. I still haven’t decided on the lighting choice. That may take some time?!

I thought maybe I would add some wall lights? And as of right now I think I will do 6 8×10” photo’s, framed and matted to a 11×14”. Haven’t decided on the frame or matte color. But I will probably go with black and white photo’s. There is just so much to think about. I can say one thing for sure, this will be the end of my decorating days. After this, we are settled well into retirement. Lol

Wall lights? I like it.

I like everything about this above picture. But I wanted to share the 6 photo look. It’s clean, elegant and easy. I also love the light fixture and I do think it would work in my area. So much to think about.

Well, this pretty much covers that wall. I still have a kitchen wall that needs some help. I will share that tomorrow. If you have any ideas feel free to share. I love hearing from others~

Until next time, good day and god bless~

Seriously Fox, if you can’t buy decent perfume then only wear deodorant and body creams. Do not cheap out on perfume.

Find a scent that suits you and stick to that. It is the scent that others will identify you with. Your husband will grow to love that scent, your children will search that scent when they need comfort and nurturing. It is what your family will smell during good times and bad. It will jog memories and bring smiles to the ones who love you.

When you hug your family it is a scent that will bring love. Scent is a very strong sense that everyone has. Not everyone can see or hear, but scent and touch are two things that cannot be taken away. For that reason, it is one of the most important senses we as humans have.

I hope when I leave this earth, and you smell someone wearing my perfume you will think of me fondly with wonderful memories.

When I met your father I was wearing Exclamation. It was a cheap popular perfume in the late 80’s. I liked it then mostly cause its what I could afford.

I wore it for a couple years, then in the early ‘90’s moved onto CK one. Calvin Klein.

This fragrance got me through most of your childhood. This one brings back a lot of memories for me.

I moved on to Dolce & Gabanna The One.

This scent got me through my 30’s. Again it was one of my favourites. I tend to find a perfume and stick to them religiously. I’m not one to mix scents either, if I like it…i stick to it.

My forties took another turn and now my pleasure is Euphoria. I went back to Calvin Klein, I get so many compliments on this one. I suppose I could venture out a bit and check out some of the “richer” scents.

When you live a life like mine, there’s not much time to investigate perfumes and designers. But I do know what I like.

Well Fox, thats about it. Find your scent, and stick to it. It will become who you are~

So I failed today as I don’t have a plan for a blog tonight.  My winning streak kinda came to an end. But on a positive note i did a full week of blogging everyday last week. I’m going to try to continue with daily blogging but I can’t promise anything. It’s a personal goal.

I started this Meatless Monday some time ago, Paul, Kailey and I are trying to eat less meat. WHy not start with removing meat on Mondays. In order to stay on track, I vouche to blog and share my recipes each Monday. That way…I HAVE to keep it meatless~

Well until tomorrow my lovelies, Good night and god bless~

Love Your Children for who they are, not for what you want them to be~

Well Fox, as you know even from tonight’s chats this one was a challenge for me at times. We had a lovely walk this evening and I love our talks. I hope you always remember this conversation we shared tonight especially when you become a mommy~

As I was explaining to you earlier, when you have a child you automatically assume your baby is going to be “everything you’ve imagined”. Especially with you being a girl, I had just figured I’d have this bubbly little girl floating around the world with the happiest brightest smile I ever did see. I mean in my dreams long before you were even considered a twinkling light in my mind, I had always wanted a spunky, high-spirited little girl.

To my surprise, god had other plans for my perfect daughter~

Now I am not saying you were not happy, I know you had a wonderful childhood with not too many worries or concerns related to family life, stability or safety. I am not dismissing the seriousness of some things you endured being a sister to medically fragile brother. You DID NOT have it easy by any means and the stress at times in our home was deafening.
I am proud however that through it all, we still managed to remain a family. We always put each other first and your happiness was always of the utmost importance.
It really is so nice that we can look back at you as a child and chuckle.

Tonight you asked me if I felt due to your brother receiving so much outside attention from others that maybe that had an effect on your personality and demeanor.

(This was one of those times when your Brother was getting lot of attention. It was Make a Wish for him, and you were having none of it)

Maybe Fox it did, I do know at times you resented him for all the attention he got. I know it must have been very hard to watch even strangers come up and talk to him. Give him their blessings, some even passed him money. We did our best with the effects that may have had on you. If you remember, anything Braden received he would have to share, or donate to charity.

We really did try to compensate for the lack of societies awareness of your presence. Please know, deep down I loved that they saw you as a “normal” child. All I ever wanted was a “normal” family.
If you really think about it, how do you think Braden felt? If anything it made him feel different from us. I didn’t expect you to understand that as a child, we did our best~

I find it hilarious that your old friends, and the new ones you’ve met have discussed your b**ch face with you. Some admitting they were scared of you. I LOVE that Fraser called you a “Miserable Git” pretty much through all your school years.

Here you were with all your excitement during your school Christmas play, lol sorry fox..its just too cute!)

LOL…the ones who know you, know better. I admire the ones who have stuck by you, the ones who accept you for who you are. Regardless of what you are portraying on the outside, your true friends know you on the inside. They are able to share in your excitement even if you have a “face on”. LOL

{I remember doing this photo shoot, it was for my practice but also an encouraging time to show you how to relax and smile. lol…it went well 🙂

Now, I know you are not a miserable person. I also know you are a whole lotta shit kickin fun. You are a straight shooter who sees through bullshit faster than anyone can smell it. You don’t work to please anyone, and you are not too concern of what others think of you. I LOVE THAT!

But it has taken me a very long time to get here.

You see, I use to worry all the time. Why doesn’t my daughter come running out of gymnastics laughing and screaming, happy, smiling and dancing all the way to the van? NO, my lil’freckled fox couldn’t give a fuck that gymnastics was over, she wanted her juice box and that was the extent of her happy thoughts.

(Well here’s classic example of you lack of enthusiasm with gymnastics. As you can see, you didn’t have your mind in it. You had other things going on, obviously you were thinking about getting the hell out of there as soon as possible. lol)

Tonight you had the best possible answer ever and Fox you continuously amazing me with your smarts, analogies and life knowledge.
I asked you why (in a joking way) “why didn’t you ever come out of gymnastics or skating lessons laughing and smiling?”. Your response was classic Kail….”Cause I already reached happy”, I didn’t need others to know it.
Happiness on the inside is the secret to all success and you had that figured out long before anyone else I know.

Our beautiful girl~

You out of anyone on this earth have taught me so much about life~

It has taken me well into my 40’s to understand I do not need to impress anyone. That I am not responsible for anyone else’s happiness. Here you are a 4 year old little girl with the confidence of a lion. Of course at the time I was insecure and couldn’t figure out why my brilliant little girl wasn’t skipping out of the gym grabbing at my purse for your “after activity snack”. You have always been the calm cool collected girl. Sometimes I wanted that little spirited child, the one smiling, running and hopping for attention. That just wasn’t you…and I had to learn to love that~

It has taken me some time to realize that nature sometimes over rules nurture while parenting. You see, the traits you share are with your father. He too has never succumbed to pleasing people. That intimidates some, and you my darling have that natural ability. NEVER lose it. This is what will make you a successful woman in todays world.
In todays world of social media, selfies, show-offs and “look at me’s”, you are not effected by it. Not that there is anything wrong with “sharing” what you look like on Instagram. I just admire the fact that you don’t find it necessary. I love that~

So lets get back on track here. This post is written to leave you with some parenting knowledge, something I want you to always remember when you become a mom.

Love your children for who they are, not for what you want them to be~

Just because you may want your children to grow up and become professionals, models, brilliant scientists, doctors, or lawyers. It doesn’t mean its what they want. As long as you know they have the attitude that they can always better themselves through life experience, education and pursuing goals. If they are determined, independent, law abiding citizens. LOVE THEM.
As parents we all have hopes and dreams that our children will become successful, hardworking adults. Sometimes children have other plans, they become artsy, free-spirited individuals floating around society in a haze. LOVE THEM.
If you are confident in your parenting, and they have all the tools they need to define their own success…then my darling you have done a wonderful job. Let them find their own way in this world, let them leave their stardust everywhere.
Sometimes they will take longer to find themselves, that’s ok. If you provide an environment filled with love, trust and respect your children will always want to strive for a better life.
It is one of the hardest things as parents to do, allowing your adult children to pursue the dreams that you did not have for them. Its a loss, and sometimes we mourn the ideas we had specifically for them.
That includes all their choices and decisions, you must give them room to grow and develop into the lovely person they want to be. Like I said, it may not be what you had dreamt on the day they were born. However I promise if you choose to understand their wishes you’ll get to know them on a level you could only ever imagine. Be open to change, and love them regardless~

I love you my Freckled fox and you continue to make us proud.
My lovelies, until tomorrow good night and god bless~

Freckled Fox

I’m sitting here, upstairs in my bedroom on a Saturday evening trying to come up with a good blog post. I’ve got nothing. I’m so very sorry, but right now life just seems so stressful. I’m currently waiting for a team of painters to finish up todays work so that I can at least have my main floor back in my custody. They are a great group of guys, I have NO complaints but these past few weeks my home has been filled with all sorts of people. BooHoo….I know, poor Chrissy…

I am very grateful, I am blessed and I am aware that this is just a small amount of sacrifice for a long term life of contentment. BUT…..it is not easy having people in your home all week and then ALL weekend. The work has to get done, I know that. As I sit here, I am feeling the pains of renovations. I’m intitled to that.

Today we had painters show up at 7:30am, we had a bannister installer here for 8:00am, a hot water tank guy here at 11am, and a basement washroom tile guy here at around 1pm. It has been busy,  The painters started here Thursday night at 4-9pm, and then again Friday night. SO we haven’t had an evening yet too relax in our living room and spend time together. I can’t leave the pups, both Oliver and Ella are frightened of the noises. If given the chance I’m afraid  they would run out a slightly opened door. They did that before on Paul at the cottage, and they were missing for 45 minutes. Little buggers.

That leaves me kinda stuck here. I do take them out with me to my parents, or shopping. Thankfully i’ve been able to work from home which means I haven’t had to leave them.

Not gonna lie, its been so stressful around here lately. There just seems too be so much going on. Not bad stuff, its all good just different. New things for all of us, Braden, Paul and I and even Kailey. Change always sends me into chaos. All in good time, I know it will all sort out, everything will be finished and we will be spending some peaceful time around our pool with some nice cold drinks.

Well my lovelies, I’ve done it! This is day 6 of blogging everyday. I’m so proud of myself. I hope to keep going!!

Hope your are all having a wonderful Saturday, until next time..good night and god bless~ xx

I hope you have been blessed at some point in your life with a puppy. I have had many puppy’s. While growing up we had a couple dogs, Husky, Great Dane, mixed breed Sharpai, Lahpso Apso and one little puppy that unfortunately was very sick when my parents brought him home. He passses away the same night. It was such a sad time.

When I became an adult Paul and I moved out and we got a German Shepard mixed with we think a Lab. We named her Taya, she was a great dog. Unfortunately it didnt work out with Taya and we ended up finding her a better home. That is one of my biggest regrets in life. I am a firm believer in if you get a puppy, kitten, or any animal then you keep it for its whole life. NO rehoming, NO dropping off at a shelter, you keep that animal forever. Now, if you are unable to care for the animal the way it should be then I do think you should find him/her a good home.

I will forever be sad about rehoming Taya, I hope she had a great life despite our stupid decision to let her go.

Our second family dog was a big ol’ yellow lab that we named Harley. He was my boy~

Even though I was raised with some amazing dogs, my whole life I wanted a yellow lab. I’m sure that has something to do with the movies, ever notice every family dog in the 80’s was a yellow lab? 🙂

Well when our son was 4 years old and our daughter was 1, we found a breeder of Labrador Retreivers and went to visit the farm they were on. We first asked for a female dog, but fortunately they were all spoken for. We were offered a male, this was new to me because we have only had females. A new adventure.

I did not choose the name Harley at first. I wanted to name him Abe. But the breeder went on an alphabet system and each litter that was born was given the letter of the alphabet that it fell on. So H it was. I liked Harrison, but then my mom mentioned Harley. I misunderstood the breeder and didnt realize I could name him whatever I wanted, he just had to have a second name that started with an H.

I suppose I panicked and spoke out the name “Harley Harrison Martz”, and that was it. He was Harley.

We carried through life with Harley, he was a challenge especially with 2 young children in tow. I wouldn’t have changed a thing, he was the best dog ever to have raised a family with. When he turned 6 years old, we decided to get another lab. We found the same breeder, and took another trip out to the farm. We actually set out to get a Chocolate Lab, and we had hoped for another male. Well the litter that was available did not have any chocolate labs OR any males. So we had a choice, either take the female yellow lab or wait until the next litter.

We met with the puppies and Finley was the one who had the most interest in us. She kept coming over to us trying to get right underneath Braden’s wheelchair. She belonged to us from the moment we saw her. Finley’s litter fell in line with the letter S from the alphabet. I was smarter this time around. We had her name picked, I just had to have a second name that started with an S. Finely Skylar Martz it was.

She is such a smart girl, it’s been sad seeing her age. She is in her 12th year.

Oliver Martz was next. We had two yellow labs, but I had come across this breed called a “Morkie”. They are a mix of a Yorkie and a Maltese. Cutest little buttons i ever did see.

We really did not need another dog. But my kids were getting older, I was still thinking of having another baby. I knew that wasn’t going to happen so I begged Paul to let me get a “teacup” Morkie. My mom ended up getting a cute little Yorkie, his name is Mac. She got him without asking my dad. So when she brought him home he was pissed off. My mom ran up to my house with Mac in tow, asked if I could keep him for a little bit until my dad came around. I agreed, he stayed with me for not even 2 hours but I fell in love. For a moment I thought he would be mine. But then my mom came back and basically said “I don’t care” what your dad thinks I’m keeping him. Little Mac went back home with mom, and not even 4 hours later my dad had him in his arms and today they are best friends.

Having Mac however for the short time really pushed my desire full steam ahead. I wanted a Morkie. Oliver arrived in our home not much later 🙂 He is the love of my life (obviously next to Paul). He has provided me with a comfort and calmness that I so badly needed. He is the best thing I did for myself.

Shortly after we got Oliver, Harley passed away. We were then down to 2 dogs….so boring~

Pretty much our whole family wanted another little dog. You see Ollie bonded with me, and he only has eyes for me. He loves his family but when it comes to cuddles, snuggles or love…him’s wants him’s mom!

When Ollie was almost 4 we decided on another little dog. This time she was going to be a family dog. I told my husband and kids that they have to step up with this one because little dogs tend to bond with the one who cares for them the most, and most likely that would be me.

We answered an AD on Kijiji and quickly realized this beautiful litter of puppies was literally across the street.

OMG we are going to have 3 dogs again….we are crazy!!!

We visited the family who was raising these puppies and we had some visits with our little girl. We had the name Ella picked from the beginning. We did shift to and from Ella and Piper for a bit. Paul liked the name  Ella best, so we went with that.

We brought her home just before Christmas, she was a crazy little girl. She loved Finn. Her and Ollie had a love/hate relationship for quite some time.

The great thing about Ella is that she did bond with the whole family. She took to each one of us, she is often the favourite..lol don’t tell Oliver. 😉

She is the sweetest little girl with the most hilariously funny quirks. But we love her beyond infinity. I love that she likes to cuddle with the whole family and not just me. To be honest, I believe if given the choice between Paul or I…she would choose Paul. She is a daddy’s girl through and through. She follows him everywhere, she works with him around the house and she holds him accountable for her evening ritual of playing with the “babies” (her toys)

So there you have it, that is our pack. They each bring something different to our lives, they are our family and we love them like our own children. There is nothing I wouldn’t do for these dogs~

I hope you are celebrating International Puppy Day with as much love as I am.

Unitl next time, God Bless~

I have shared on this blog that we are currently under construction at home here. We are renovating. Making some changes to our home so that It can accomadate our family.

How it works over here is like this;

We have a 24 year old adult son, who is active, busy, independent and always having people coming and going. Our home was always an open door to friends and family. You did have to call first tho…lol I hate drop ins. Unless of course you need me…then by all means come by any time of the day or night,

Anyways, our son is also in a wheelchair. Now thats not something of importance here, except that he isn’t able to get into just anyone’s home. This is why we have always had an open door. If B wanted to have a social life, it had to be here. SO we allowed house parties, under aged (supervised) drinking, (not that we liked it), we allowed late night online gaming, boys nights, girls nights (Most challenging of my parenting career) and girl friend overnights, of course once he was of age.

We had some pretty challenging years mostly during the teenage phase.

Then he became a young man, and the choices he was making had nothing to do with Paul and I. He was dating and entertaining women here in our home. That eventually became too much for us to handle. Now..keep in mind he is in a wheelchair. So it is a lot harder for him to get into someone else’s home. Not all homes have barrier free entrances. Once agin, if he wanted to have a relationship with someone , it had to be here. We also had new nursing staff start. It did become awkward when Paul and I would be watching TV late at night and someone would come through my house, walking right by us at 11 pm at night. That too became hard. Not that we don’t like these people . We are grateful, appreciative and thankful to each one of them but it doesn’t mean we like to be interrupted each evening.

Once B was able to make some decisions regarding his living arrangements he chose to keep the house we are already in. He wanted to remain in his childhood home. We did have some hiccups though, as initially we thought we’d sell this house and we would all go our separate ways. Then B and his “at the time” girlfriend thought they would stay in this house and Paul and I would move. (While making these decisions we still had K at home, so we still needed to be considerate to her needs).

Eventually, believe it or not….the hopes and dreams I have always had secretly tucked in my heart was that we would co-habitate with B in this house. Our home is definitely big enough to support each of us spaciously and without conflict.

Between you and I, of course my dreams were that B would marry and move away or into his own home that he would build a beautiful family with. ((0f course over time I realized, that may not be his dreams). But with that dream, i never wanted to be too far. We raised a medically fragile child, who’s live was threatened too many times due to illness. As an adult his needs have changed, he’s not as “medically fragile” but he does have different concerns that come up from time to time.

Knowing that we couldn’t make the living arrangement decision for him, we waited for him to experience life on his own. He did move out for a short time, he managed that all by himself. I think he just needed the confirmation that he could do it. Once he moved back into this house, we had to make some changes. You see with him gone, Paul and I had the chance to live life as “empty-nesters”, we could see how life would be without adult children around. Naturally, it looked pretty nice.

With B deciding to come back home, he made an announcement that he would like to remain in this house and he would like us to live with him. Before I could agree to that we all needed to come up with a plan to change the living arrangements. B was more than happy, and probably relived to have some privacy and space of his own.

I can honestly say, this was the best possible case. Lets seperate the home into two seperate living areas, but remain under one roof. Perfect.

(Our two new seperate entrances above~ Go to the right welcome to my place, go to the left welcome to Braden’s quarters) 

The only problem with this…its going to take a lot of time and a lot of construction. And that my friends is where we are today. Living through renovations again….it was only about 16-17 years ago we added a second floor to this house. But if you think about it, family needs change all the time. Families move houses all the time to suit their needs, we just aren’t moving we just keep re-adjusting our existing home.

It’s exciting, but challenging all at the same time.  The reason I started this post to begin with was to admit that I may have made a mistake….I did not hire a decorator to help with our reno’s. I took this project on by myself. Well…I did take advice from our contractor which I trust, and of course Paul and the kids. But bottom line, I’m in charge of the final project. And last night that hit me hard. What if i’m making mistakes? Panick set in…..is my flooring right? Will the colour on my walls compliment our home, flooring and lifestyle? What am i trying to convey through decorating. What is my theme? Do I have a theme? DO i NEED a theme? What have I done?

I have been doing a lot of research around home decorating, and i do love what I see but how long will this “style” last?

I know currently the flooring style is going back to light wood. I prefer dark. But my window light will show everything on a dark floor. SO i met in the middle, with a wood floor that is medium shades of brown with some dancing flashes of gray. Depending on lighting the floor looks different at all times of the day….Arrrgh!!!!

Don’t even get me started on my bannisters. Trying to come up with a stain almost sent me into hysterics. Match the stain to your floor is what they said. Well that then depends on the shade I want to pull from my floor…gray or brown?? I pulled the brown with an Espresso stain. Not too dark not too light, half of my kitchen cupboards are a darker brown. Does my stain clash with my cupboards now? OMG.

Should I have gotten a decorator or interior designer? I didn’t…but only because I didnt think these reno’s would have been so much. I’m trusting my gut here. I did the best I could. I researched a ton, and I also dug deep too see who we are and what we want to portray in our home. We have decided to become “minimalists” which means related to our home much of the decorations that once filled our walls and cabinets will not be coming back out. So what will I put back up to bring life to our home? NO IDEA! Do i want art prints? Family photo’s? Wall art? Mirrors? Candles? To be honest if I could put all my kids childhood art projects framed and on the walls I would feel most happy. I think for now, they’ll stay in my bedroom, they already dress my walls with love.

Well, let me say at the end of the day when this project is all said and done. We will successfully have 4 adults living indendantly under one roof. Each of us with a seperate entrance and our own private living quarters. Our space will be separated by frosted glass doors, just enough to fool the mind of who lives where. But open enough that morning tea and Sunday dinners will still be on the homefront with only a door handle away. It is my best case scenario. I could not be happier, my heart feels content. My mind is at ease knowing he is not far. We will always have a room here available to K, so she can come and go as she pleases as well. I have no plans on changing her bedroom, she will always have a home here.

Well I am off to start the day, work, picking up paint, visiting a neighbor, and looking at dining room chandeliers. It never ends, i’m Sure there will be a meltdown at some point today over lighting. 🙂

Until next time,

god bless~

I made this appetizer a few weeks back, cheese delights are by far a favourite in this house. I first tried it a friends house when they invited us over for dinner. Thankfully it went over really well. Everyone seemed to enjoy it.

The picture doesn’t do it justice. But let me tell you the deliciousness that this dish brings to your mouth will not be forgotten.

It’s so simple,

You just need Brie cheese, red pepper jelly and some sweet onions.

I placed the Brie in a Brie baker with some Olive Oil, and i sliced a line on top of the Brie. Just to let the cheese escape and ooze while it cooked. Then I put some red pepper jelly on top.

I carmalized some sweet onions, a dab of Olive oil and some brown sugar. Sauté the onions until they are golden brown. (Smells amazing while cooking)

Place the onions on the Brie cheese just over top of the Red Pepper Jelly and place in a heated oven. I just heated my oven to 350 degrees.

I didn’t time it, I just kept checking on it and watched to see when the cheese started to bubble. I would say it was about 20-30 minutes.

Pull it out of the oven, let it sit for a couple minutes and then serve with your favourite bread, crackers or pretzels.

It truly is worth making, I certainly will be doing it again.

Cheers~

I live with PTSD & Anxiety, did you know that?

I have  had this mental health issue for many years.  However I was able to keep it under wrap and private for most of the past 20 years. I suppose maybe certain triggers were always on the home front, but dealing with them seemed “easier” at the time. I have found when I was in my 30’s, I didn’t have a lot of time to worry about my daily quirks, my irrational thoughts or uncertain fears. I’m not sure if maybe having more confidence during the years of raising children could have been a contributing factor to my ability to push my anxiety off? Or could it have been that I just had more control over it?

Could it have been that I was just too busy to acknowledge my anxiety? Because once it did hit me, I was terriefied and wondered where did it come from.

About 3 years ago, I was having a lot of terrible thoughts. Fear of family dying, I became anxious of every day living. I didn’t want my children to leave the house, I had camera’s installed in my home so we could keep track of the “nurses” coming and going. I worried about new health care professional abusing my adult son while they cared for him. Constantly concerned for my daughters safely and well being at school. Rape, drugged and beaten during parties ran through my mind constantly. She kindly followed my neurotic rules just to give me peace of mind. “Call me when you get there, Call me when you are leaving, I bought her pepper spray (Dog Terrant) rape whistle and warned her every day about the danger of walking alone late at night.

I would leave notes on all our doors so when someone let the dogs out to pee they wouldn’t leave them unsupervised. I worried a hawk or a coyote would manage to get into our yard and take them. I wanted camera’s put outside along our back yard because I was scared neighbours would try to poison our dogs. ( I LOVE my neighbours and I know in a clear mind they would never do that). I would have panic attacks when my mom or dad would have doctor appointments. I feared constantly they would be diagnosed with cancer.

I didn’t like when friends would “call” me, because I would immediately think it was bad news. My family always knew when they would call me, the first thing they had to say was “everything is fine mom”.

When Paul would be late coming home, he would have to let me know or I would worry he got into an accident. I was paralyzed in my own life. The scary thing about it is I didn’t know were it came from.

Living with all these fears and anxieties eventually chipped away at my confindence and self worth. I was slowly crumbling like an old artifact weathering away due to natural causes and the elements of weather. Each scare, suspicion and worry slowly took my mind hostage and enveloped my ability to live. Everything I was dealing with because feared. It was exhausting, and it was sad. I didn’t understand what was wrong with me.

I have always battled bouts of depression and anxiety. But I believe thats just part of having PTSD. During my late 20’s and 30’s I did see a psychologist regularilry. Not just for my PTSD, there were times during my marriage were we both needed tending too. There is no shame in that, cause as much as we were recovering from a terrible, catastrophic event in our lives. We were still two young adults finding who we were individually as well as together. We had a shift in our faults, the earth we stood on jolted us so fiercely we didn’t even have time to react. We persevered first, then we reacted.

We both suffered traumatic events, and it effected us differently. I’m proud of how hard we worked at keeping a stable home life. We provided happy childhoods for our children even during moments of uncertainty.

Busy lives, routine, structure and control kept us moving forward each year. As a parent we “for the most part” had the upper hand on choices and decisions based around our children. You can’t be scared when you have your hands firmly wrapped around something, protecting it from the evils of the world. I suppose that’s how I coped. I always knew where my kids were, I picked them up, dropped them off, volunteered in their schools, volunteered in their sports, provided an open door for friends and tucked them safely in each night. I didn’t have the fears that creeped up on me 3 years ago.

Looking back, when I was speaking to my psychologist this time I have always had anxiety related to my children, husband and life. I just felt I had more control. I was a bit more of a “helicopter” mom then some of my friends, I liked to give my children space but I liked them at home more. I did encourage independace but I was never too far from them. I don’t think I would change a whole lot from how I parented, but i do wonder how things would have been different without parenting with PTSD and Anxiety. I was always just a bit more worried or anxious as the other mom’s, and at times I was insecure about that. I just didn’t realize at that time, that there was a reason for it.

Once my kids became adults, making decisions for themselves I had to let go and I didn’t know how too. If i let go, something bad was going to happen.

The mind is a beautiful place, but sometimes it can be a living hell. Learning to control it is a challenge somedays. I have to work on it everyday. When I felt i was loosing control over my kids simply meaning they are taking control of their own lives, my anxiety heightened, along with my PTSD. With that came flashbacks, fear, pain, dreams, exhaustion, fight or flight reaction, nervousness, succlusion, depression etc. The list could go on and on. The feeling of not having the control triggered that. Most ofou you can progress through life naturally, living through the milestones each of our children face. But when you have live with PTSD it can make those moments challenging.

I was having so many flashbacks from hospital stays, intubations, losing consciousness, CPR, 911 phone calls, being alone in a waiting room, fear of death, surgeries and car crashes. LOUD noises triggered panic, smells set me back to hospital rooms, the diapers they used in hospital, cleaning supplies. beeps and bells reminded me of the machines that kept him alive ringing off during the night while he slept. It’s not something you can control in the moment. But if you have the proper tools, then you can apply them and control all those fears and anxieties.

I did not have a lot of those triggers through the early years of raising my family. I mean there were definitely moments for both of us that triggered emotions and/or fear. I remember the microwave beeping use to send us both into flight or fight response. However, luckily we escaped much of it, so it didn’t hinder our responsibilities as parents or partners. I suppose we were living through it, so the thoughts were there just not as memories or flashbacks.

It was three years ago, my parents were here for Sunday dinner. We try to have a family dinner each Sunday.  We were saying goodbye at the front door, I can’t remember the conversation we were having but I do remember telling them that I was struggling. They of course like any parent dosen’t want to really hear their child is hurting, so their response was more of  a “why?” Why are you still hurting? Of course I didn’t have an answer to that. I was embarrassed and felt weak. Maybe the feeling of defeat was what instigated my meltdown, but it happened. Right there in front of them, I started to cry, and boy did I cry hard. I sat down on my stair case and sobbed. I was having a meltdown and it scared me cause I wasn’t able to contain my emotions.

They all just watched, and unfortunately for the first time ever my children witnessed it.  I know it scared them. I have always been a pillar of strength very rarely showing signs of “weakness”(which is how I felt at the time). But I couldn’t control it, I yelled at them “How would you feel seeing your son come so close to death right in front of you?” “Can you imagine the guilt I have that I caused his injury, I ruined his whole life, I put him in that wheelchair”. “Every day I look at him and push away the feelings of guilt just so I don’t parent him unfairly and only through pained eyes. ‘

I’m tired of being strong. I’m tired of being sad. And. I’m tired of being scared.

The next day I got into a new psychologist. This was beginning of who I am today.

During the process of those few years, I lost myself. I no longer wanted to be with friends, i couldn’t bring myself to entertain anyone. I was terrified of inviting people over for dinner. I despised the thought of going out with people. I didn’t have the ability to connect. Everything tired me. Being in the presence of others made me nervous, anxious and disconnected.

I am still working on wanting to be in the presence of others. I am at least pushing myself to be more social. But i am also accepting the fact that I may never be that care free spirited soul that loved her house filled with friends and loved ones. I think thats the hardest part, accepting that my anxiety and PTSD has changed a piece of who I am. I am still working on my self -esteem and confidence. I still prefer to be home,  there once was a time when I would make myself do things that made me uncomfortable. Today…i am learning to accept who I am and I am learning to be by myself and love me. I’m learning to forgive myself. With each moment of clarity I become stronger.

I am also realizing that I shouldn’t care what others think. I do not like to be vulnerable, mostly because I live to be strong. I suppose being vulnerable is a sign of strength, I admire those who can be open and honest with their struggles. I think that takes real character and strength. That doesn’t mean I don’t respect those who choose to keep their struggles close to themselves. As long as you are searching out the support needed, its no one else’s business.

Well my friends, that is it. My Truthful Tuesday~

if you are still here, thank you!

Until next time, god bless~xx